How To Deal With A Drug Addict Husband
It will obviously be hard for you to keep things together. The fight will no longer be with your partner, it will also be with your own conscience. You could be thinking, My husband is doing drugs behind my back, how can I help him?This long battle can only be fought when you realise how strong you are.
All you can do is gather all of it and fight every situation head-on. Probably you will be the only saving grace in the relationship, but if it affects you to the point where you can no longer endure, it is advisable that you consider rehab for your partner.
Here are five ways you can deal with your husbands drug addiction.
Educate Yourself On Addiction
Our society often blames people for their own addictions as if it is a moral failure on the person’s part. Make sure that before speaking to your loved one, you understand that addiction as a disorder. The more knowledge you have about addiction, the better you’ll be able to communicate.
The National Institute on Drug Abuse describes addiction as “an inability to stop using a drug failure to meet work, social, or family obligations and, sometimes , tolerance and withdrawal.” Currently, people in the medical community more often use “substance use disorder” to refer to addiction.
There is still a lot of stigma surrounding addiction. Harmful beliefs including that people with addictions are selfish, lazy, and destructive are still common. Watch your tone of voice and make sure you are not speaking to your loved one in a blaming or accusatory tone.
Learn more about addiction from reliable medical sources, and try to understand your loved one’s point of view.
At the same time, don’t assume you know everything about their addiction simply because you do research. Each person with an addiction is a unique individual with their own experience.
Why don’t you just stop using drugs? You’re being selfish.
You are still my friend, and I care for you no matter what. Is there any way I can help?
What Comes After Identifying Addict Behavior Patterns
After youve assessed whether or not your loved one is abusing drugs, there are a few things you can do. The first is to have a conversation with them about your concerns. This can be a difficult conversation, but its important to express your thoughts and feelings honestly. If they are addicted to drugs, they may not be able to see the negative impact their behavior is having on those around them.
Its also important to get professional help. There are many resources available to help guide you through confronting your loved one. In many cases, a carefully planned intervention is needed. This is especially true when the addict is in a volatile state and prone to irritability and violence.
It is important to remember that you should never confront an addict alone or if they pose a danger to your safety. This can be a very dangerous situation. Always have a friend or family member present to help diffuse the situation if things start to get out of control.
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Tip #: Educate Yourself
Get information about addictions. Understand the addicts disease process. Find information about how it impacts the family and friends. Knowledge is power and it may help you understand more about yourself and your loved one. There are many resources for finding this information: SAMHSA.gov has all types of educational and informational resources. The public library and the internet have an enormous amount of information for education, groups, support, treatment, etc.
Supporting A Partner Without Enabling
What is the most effective way to support a partner whos going through rehab?
Offering support to an addicted partner can take a tremendous toll on your physical energy and emotional health. On top of this, the needs of the rest of the family, such as children and aging parents, and the demands of work and social commitments can quickly become overwhelming.
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Things You Need To Do When Your Spouse Is Addicted
Some of the most complicated relationships in life can be those we actually choose: the people we date, the people we live with, the people we marry, the people we have children with. Unlike our relationships with parents or siblings or cousins and so on we actually seek out and are selective about those with whom we are romantic. Somehow, however, those relationships can take the most work.One factor that can throw the biggest loop in a marriage or long-term relationships is drug or alcohol addiction.
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The Dos And Donts Of Helping A Loved One With An Addiction
Once youve noticed the signs of addiction in your loved one like an Alcohol Addiction or an Opioid Addiction, for example youll need to know how to talk to and treat them in a way that is positive and helpful. There are several ways to do this, some easy to practice and others that require a little more effort and understanding on your part. Here are a few dos and donts for helping a loved one deal with addiction:
Get As Much As Support You Can Find
Emotional support can get you through the long and harrowing nights. Your friends and family should be there for you and your partner. In this way, you can have a team of your own to provide emotional support which you will be needing. The support must not be there for the sake of empathising, so be very careful while choosing your support.
There should be no space for judgement or prejudices in this support. Even if that support boils down to a single person, rely on them. You will often feel weak and morally frail this is precisely when you need to call your support system up and vent as much as you can.
You can also take the help of online forums where you can even find like-minded people to talk to. These forums are usually safe places made and curated by people who have or are going through a similar situation. Your partners addiction is not on you, so you should be as transparent as possible for the sake of your mental health.
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Heroin Or Other Opioids
With the abuse of prescription opioid painkillers on the rise since the 90s, heroin has become a commonly used substitute for the more expensive prescribed pills. According to the American Society of Addiction Medicine , Drug overdose is the leading cause of accidental death in the US, with 52,404 lethal drug overdoses in 2015. Opioid addiction is driving this epidemic, with 20,101 overdose deaths related to prescription pain relievers, and 12,990 overdose deaths related to heroin in 2015.Clear signs that your spouse is using either prescription opiates or heroin can include:
The Benefits Of Taking Action Early
Movies, books, and magazines often portray people who hit bottom before they can be helped. However, this representation is a myth. People do not need to bottom out to be helped. Research shows that early identification of the problem is a much more effective solution for substance use problems.
Early identification occurs at the first signs of a problem before anyone has suffered a traumatic event, dropped out of school, or lost important relationships, jobs, health, or self-respect.
Identification can be done through a health care professional screening, employee assistance professional, or family member. What happens after the screening depends on the results of the test. Some people can learn to cut back, while some need further assessment and possible treatment.
In general, all people are better equipped to work on recovery if their substance use problem is discovered and confronted early on. Treatment in the early stages of a substance use disorder is likely to be less intense, less disruptive, and cause less anxiety.
Waiting for people to ask for help is a risky strategy. Without help, family members can expect crises like arrests, medical emergencies, loss of job, public embarrassment, and even death.
Some people find that when they seek help for themselves, the person struggling with addiction gets angry. This may be perhaps because the efforts represent a loss of control. Also, getting help signals that you are serious about changing the situation.
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Addiction In A Marriage
Anyone who has been married or in a committed relationship with a person who is addicted knows, without a doubt, that addiction is destructive. In some committed relationships, addiction isnt something that comes up right away. Addiction in a marriage:
- May not be apparent at the beginning of the relationship
- May seem like normal drinking behaviors early in the relationship
- May develop after a short time together
- May develop after years together
- May have been there all along
- May have been hidden from you by your partner
In a marriage, the drug of choice may vary alcohol, illicit drugs such as heroin or cocaine, or prescription drugs like Xanax or OxyContin. Regardless of the drug or drink a person is addicted to, the pursuit of the substance can eventually come before all else. When a person is addicted, he or she will choose drugs or alcohol before their marriage, before their partner, before their children before anything.When a spouse or partner is actively addicted, it can be difficult to recognize or remember the person you fell in love with. While it may take years to figure out what is really going on, there can be numerous problems along the way. Things like missing income or lost jobs, unusual absences from family gatherings or events, increased arguments or decreased interest in the relationship.With so many new and unforeseen challenges in the marriage, for some spouses, find that the only answer is to leave their addicted partner.
Take Time For Yourself
Youve likely had a rough few months or even years if your boyfriend is addicted to drugs or alcohol. Ending the relationship will likely be draining, both emotionally and mentally. Give yourself time to mourn your relationship and come to terms with the breakup. While its going to be hard, try not to stay in contact with your boyfriend during your healing process. You may even wish to get professional help yourself, from a therapist or qualified counselor. Another good idea is to go to a therapy session at Al-Anon. Youll have a chance to talk to others who have gone through or are going through the same type of thing you are.
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How To Have A Relationship With A Partner In Recovery
If your loved one has chosen to begin treatment, thats a good sign they are on the road to a life without substance abuse. However, you will need to remember that addiction is a chronic disease, even if they have not used in months or even years. They will always have the potential to return to substance abuse and they will require lots of help to avoid this possibility.
The best thing you can do for your loved one in recovery is to provide them with support. Remind them that you are available to them and are sending them your love and encouragement every day. Tell them you are proud of them.
Don’t Act Like There Is An Easy Solution
While the solution quitting sounds easy on paper, it is far from it. Some phrases to avoid include:
- “Why can’t you just stop drinking”
- “Pull it together”
- “It’s not hard, just stop doing it”
“Do not criticize, nag, or scold the person for their addiction,” says Brian Wind, MD, the chief clinical officer of Journey Pure and former co-chair of the American Psychological Association’s Advisory Committee for Employee Assistance. “It is often a coping mechanism, and the person may think you are trying to exert control over them. The frustration can lead them to turn to their addiction even more for relief.”
Verbally acknowledge that this process will be challenging and that getting treatment for a substance use disorder is incredibly brave.
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Dont: Give In To Manipulation
When a person with an addiction is unwilling to seek treatment, they will resort to whatever they need to do to continue feeding their addiction. This may include lying or trying to guilt the people who care for them. Its important to establish boundaries and learn how to say no. It may be very difficult to not react negatively or to stick to your established rules, but its necessary for everyone involved.
Being In A Relationship With An Addict: Can It Be Healthy
There are a few different scenarios where you might wonder what its like being in a relationship with an addict, or whether or not its possible to have a relationship with an addict. The first could be if you were already in a relationship with a person before they were an addict, and now theyre in the midst of addiction. You may be questioning whether or not addicts and relationships are two things that can go together.
Another scenario where you might question how to have a relationship with an addict is if youve just met someone and found out they have an addiction problem but are not yet in a relationship with them.
There are also situations where both people are addicts so the question may become can two addicts have a healthy relationship.
To provide insight to any of these questions, its important to understand addiction and what it does to relationships.
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Things To Inquire About Prior To Ending A Relationship With A Drug Addict
While ending a relationship with a drug addict is often best, there are times when it may be best for you to remain in the relationship. To know whether or not ending a relationship with a drug addict is the right thing for you to do or not, make sure that you ask the right questions so that you get the intel that you need to make the right decision. Some things that you should inquire about prior to ending a relationship with a drug addict include:
Get Yourself A Support System
Support systems are not only vital for recovering addicts. Theyre also vital to the loved ones of individuals in addiction treatment. This includes current and former spouses/partners of drug and alcohol addicts. Therefore, prior to ending a relationship with a drug addict, establish a support system for yourself.
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Dont: Violate Their Privacy
In taking care of yourself and attending therapy, you may be tempted to vent about your loved one with an addiction. While you should be as honest about your feelings as possible when getting therapy, its important to respect their privacy. This is especially relevant when discussing someone with addiction with friends or family.
Make sure the person is okay being talked about and having their struggles discussed. If you attend counseling with your loved one, make sure you dont reveal what was said in session to others. If your loved one attends therapy or counseling on their own and dont want to discuss what they talked about in session, respect that and dont push them for details.
When To Leave An Addicted Spouse
Many people wonder when to leave an addicted spouse. Each person has to decide for themselves what the boundaries are in the relationship.
Remember that marriage is a legal contract. You are the one the police will call when your spouse has been arrested for a DUI. Youll be responsible for any shared debt incurred during marriage, so if your partner is running the credit cards up to the max to get cash advances to buy drugs, youre responsible for paying it back. Consider this when deciding whether to stay or go. Counseling can really help in these situations.
In order to keep yourself and your children safe, consider moving out temporarily or permanently in the following situations:
Knowing when to leave an addicted spouse is always difficult. Its heart-wrenching to leave behind someone who is sick. Yet in order to maintain your own sanity and to protect those you love, you may need to pack your bags and go.
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What Are Some Examples Of Drug Abuse
Some of the most common types of drug abuse include the following:Stimulant Abuse. Stimulants are substances that cause physical and psychological functions to speed up. Cocaine Abuse. Adderall Abuse. Meth Abuse. Opioid Abuse. Heroin Abuse. Prescription Painkillers. Sedative Abuse.Altre voci