Start Taking Care Of Yourself And Your Family First
While you are running around worrying about and cleaning up after your spouses addictive messes, you probably have lost focus on other areas of your life and that of your children. When you constantly put the addicts needs first, you may think you are being a good spouse, but you are really just hurting yourself and your family and breeding resentment. You and your children need to have lives that are as normal as possible, no matter what the addict is doing.
- Maintain normal family activities church, school plays, baseball practice, etc.
- Eat your meals together
- Get plenty of sleep and exercise
- Visit with family and friends dont isolate yourself
- Keep an eye on your health stress can damage your immune system
- Practice stress-reducing techniques yoga, meditation, etc.
Heroin Or Other Opioids
With the abuse of prescription opioid painkillers on the rise since the 90s, heroin has become a commonly used substitute for the more expensive prescribed pills. According to the American Society of Addiction Medicine , Drug overdose is the leading cause of accidental death in the US, with 52,404 lethal drug overdoses in 2015. Opioid addiction is driving this epidemic, with 20,101 overdose deaths related to prescription pain relievers, and 12,990 overdose deaths related to heroin in 2015.Clear signs that your spouse is using either prescription opiates or heroin can include:
Getting Help For Your Spouse
Dealing with an addicted spouse can be frightening and leave you feeling uncertain. The good news is that many recovery centers are available to help, and many treatment programs often will include the non-addict partner.
As your partner receives the treatment they need, you can also be part of the process to support them and have access to support for yourself.
Addiction affects not just the addict but everyone around themtheir partner, children, family, and friends. Its important to remember that, while your spouse needs and deserves help, you also deserve support and treatment for the stress and trauma you may be going through.
What treatment fits your partner best will depend on their unique situation, so it is essential to meet with a physician or specialist to assess and develop a game plan. This section will discuss the most common treatment options available to addicts and their families.
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Sharing Your Faith With Grace And Purpose
You can confidently and lovingly share your faithyou just need to learn some new tactics to do so! In this Focus on the Family Daily Broadcast, apologist Greg Koukl outlines the Columbo tactic of asking questions, the self-defeating argument tactic to find holes in your opponents arguments, and other specific methods for engaging in faith-building conversations with others. Greg pulls from his over 30 years of experience debating atheists and agnostics to help you share your faith with grace and truth.
The Dos And Donts Of Living With An Addicted Spouse
Dealing with an alcoholic or drug-addicted spouse will have a massive impact on a persons life physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. As a source of assistance in these troublesome times for you, here are some of the things you should try to do when living with an addict, and when trying to discuss their addiction with them. Please remember, in such difficult times, you are never alone.The following advice applies not only to you the spouse of an addict but for anyone else living in the same home your children, other relatives, and friends.
Obviously, it would be far better if your addicted spouse would agree to treatment. However, getting them to that point is usually a major obstacle in itself, and can even prompt bursts of anger and outrage, especially if they believe that they are not even addicted in the first place. To that end, here is the right way to address their need for treatment when speaking with them about it.
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Help Her To Respect Her Husband
Even when he has sinned against her in this way, she is still called to respect him. As she processes through her emotions, she may speak disrespectfully of him or disclose some ways that she has been treating him disrespectfully.
Ive talked with women who responded to their husbands confessions by taking their phones away and refusing to allow them access to any of their computers or media. There may be some similar steps that need to be taken. My husband has used filtering and accountability software, and we have a passcode on Netflix that only I know. However, these are steps that need to be decided mutually.
Help her remember that she is his wife, not his mother, and it is disrespectful for her to treat him like a disobedient child. Also, she may need a gentle rebuke if she is speaking disrespectfully about him or to him. Its very easy to lash out at the one who has hurt us, but she must be very careful not to sin against him in her response to his sin.
Dont Expect For Relationship Issues To Disappear
Do not expect treatment alone will not solve all of the problems in your marriage or relationship. Many find couples therapy to be an effective way to deal with problems that have resulted from their spouses substance use disorder as well as to address pre existing problems and conflicts in the relationship. This might be an option worth considering at some point during your loved ones recovery journey.
However, while it is important to know the positive ways in which you can support your spouse or loved one on their road to recovery, your physical and mental wellbeing should always be a top priority. Be able to recognize if your relationship has become harmful, toxic or abusive and practicing self care above all.
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Losing Borders In The Family
Most participants stated that the substance abuse had an effect on the behaviour of their husband, causing anger and lowered tolerance and aggressive behaviour which affected their spouses behaviours. These experienced concepts of participants based on their similarities, assigned to more abstract categories with losing borders in the family label.
My husband was very brutal in the house, arguing for no reason and this was causing a seizure, he was crying out loud, he was throwing things
Participants also stated that these behaviours of their husbands led to aggressive behaviours in them.
My husbands behaviour has affected me so much Im nervous. Ill go to the furnace soon When Im nervous, Ill beat them .
Here are women who take their husbands medication they are very aggressive so that the morale of their husbands also affects them. .
Supporting A Partner Without Enabling
What is the most effective way to support a partner whos going through rehab?
Offering support to an addicted partner can take a tremendous toll on your physical energy and emotional health. On top of this, the needs of the rest of the family, such as children and aging parents, and the demands of work and social commitments can quickly become overwhelming.
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Tactics 10th Anniversary Edition: A Game Plan For Discussing Your Christian Convictions
In a world increasingly indifferent to Christian truth, followers of Christ need to be equipped to communicate with those who do not speak their language or accept their source of authority. In Tactics, 10th Anniversary Edition, Gregory Koukl demonstrates how to artfully regain control of conversations, keeping them moving forward in constructive ways through thoughtful diplomacy. Youll learn how to stop challengers in their tracks and how to turn the tables on questions or provocative statements. Most important, youll learn how to get people thinking about Jesus.
Dealing With An Addicted Spouse
Addiction never affects just the addicted person. It is a family disease, says marriage and family therapist, Darlene Lancer. In a couple, the addiction changes life as you once knew it. Finances may suffer, relationships become turbulent, and the non-addicted spouse often takes on much more than his or her fair share of responsibilities.
Addiction treatment in Washington State helps the person suffering from addiction come clean and stay that way. For the spouse left holding the family together, here are a few ways to stay healthy and protected while helping the person you love to come back whole.
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I Had No Boundaries In My Relationship
I woke up and the sun was shining on another beautiful day. The pitter-patter of my childrens feet echoed through the rooms of my home as I stretched to roll over in bed.
One more minute of bliss. One more moment of peace.
I ate my breakfast and got my children ready for a day of play. My husband left for work hours earlier. I wondered if I should have a short Bible study that morning, but it was getting late already. My kids dispersed to play with their toys, so I decided to do the study later. Instead, I turned on worship music and begin to tidy the house. I always felt best when the house was clean.
After the house was clean, I packed a bag with some snacks and the kids and I left the apartment. I planned to catch a few rays of the sun while the kids played at the park. Gosh, its a lovely day! The birds were singing and the neighbourhood was filled with the sound of my childrens laughter. Suddenly, I felt like cooking. A few groceries later from the local bodega and my home was filled with the smell of a simple, homemade Coq au Vin. It was a favourite family recipe inherited from someones Grandmother- not mine. I preferred to cook everything slow and long, which gave me the opportunity to do the Bible study I skipped that morning.
Feeling totally hygge, I settled into a spot of the sun by the window and opened my Bible.
MOM! My brother bit me!
Sigh. Okay, deal with the kids and then Ill have my quiet time.
Hello, I said.
Hi, he wouldnt look me in the eye.
The Importance Of Support
It is difficult for someone to go through the process of when they are lacking a support system. Human beings are social creatures and, although we might not always like it, we need each other. Without conscious effort from loved ones, the recovery process can be lonely.
A strong support system can strengthen the chance of successful long-term recovery. When an addict loses motivation to continue with their treatment program, strong support from loved ones could be the difference between success and failure.
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How Addiction Impacts The Spouse Of An Addict
Once it has become clear that you are the spouse of an addict, it is normal to feel lost and overwhelmed. If you are the spouse of an addict, it is likely that you have been hurt by their past actions. It is acceptable to bring up this hurt in the right setting, as long as you do it in a way that doesnt blame the struggling individual for your troubles.
Intimate relationships should feel safe and comfortable for each person. When youre married to an addict, this is not always the case. Fortunately, there are plenty of things you can do to cope with the new reality in which you live.
Dos And Donts Of Helping Your Addicted Spouse
How approaching a spouse who has the signs of addiction makes all the difference in them accepting and admitting they need help or withdrawing and even turning hostile. Since this is a tough topic to broach, you may wonder what are things you should and shouldnt do when addiction is suspected.
- Educate yourself on addiction being a disease
- Get help for you, and if you have kids, for them as well, and from Al-Anon or other community support groups for you.
- Tell your spouse your feelings about their addiction, using words such as I feel scared/worried/angry.
- Use ultimatums but only if you intend to follow through
- Practice detaching with love
- Attend marriage or family counseling
- Drink or use drugs alongside them
- Cover up for your spouse or make excuses for them
- Be dishonest with your spouse
- Judge, blame or put down your spouse for their addiction
- Blame yourself for their addiction
- Bail them out of jail or any other situation in which the addiction caused
- Threaten to leave, unless you really mean it
- Ignore the addiction is causing problems in your marriage
- Compromise your health and wellbeing at the hands of your spouses addiction
There are a lot of misconceptions on how to treat the situation with an addicted spouse mainly that not everything revolves around them, and you dont have to go down with them, should it come to that. You shouldnt have to sacrifice your health and happiness because of addictions cruelty.
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If Your Spouse Goes To Treatment Stay Supportive
In a best-case desirable scenario, the intervention works the way it is supposed to and your spouse goes to treatment. While they are receiving that treatment, there are things you can do to support them:
- Take care of yourself and your family give them something to come back to.
- Follow the recommendations of the treatment team.
- Participate in family therapy meetings.
- Most rehab facilities have a short adjustment period where phone calls and communication with the outside world are suspended. Respect that, and give your spouse the time they need to focus on their own recovery.
- Alternatively, when contact is allowed visit, write, and call.
- Stay POSITIVE in all of your conversation and letters.
- Be patient recovery is a process. Your spouse did not become addicted overnight. They wont recover overnight, either.
Should I Divorce My Spouse For Addiction Issues
Divorce is a difficult choice to make, and theres no right or wrong answer. Ultimately, you must decide how far you are willing to go without sacrificing your or your familys safety, sanity, and overall happiness.
If you choose divorce, you may be able to file on the grounds of drug or alcohol addiction, depending on your situation and the laws in your state.
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How And When Should Spouses Help An Addicted Partner
When a loved one is addicted to drugs and alcohol, its very easy for partners to ignore their own needs and fall into codependent or enabling patterns. At the core of helping a spouse overcome addiction is the idea of setting healthy boundaries and engaging in self-care. Some examples of establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries may look like the following:
- Not letting an addicted partners negative moods affect how the non-addicted spouse feels.
- Letting other family members take responsibility for themselves, such as allowing school-aged children to pack their lunches.
- Making sure to get help from professionals, therapists, or going to Al-Anon, or seeking emotional support from other people outside the home.
- Going to the doctor, taking medications, and making sure to eat healthy, exercise, and get enough rest.
- Managing stress effectively with healthy activities like listening to inspirational podcasts, making time for supportive friends, or attending a support group for spouses of addicts.
Support For Spouses Of Drug Addicts
You should never compromise your well-being at the hands of your spouses meth addiction. To ensure you have the strength and resources to walk through your spouses recovery process with them, you also need support. You might consider:
- Creating a support network of friends, family, clergy and other trusted individuals
- Seeing a family or marriage counselor with your spouse
- Going to your own therapist to deal with the individual issues youre facing
- Attending a support group with others who have loved ones struggling with addiction
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Reasons To Continue Supporting Them
These are just a few of the reasons why it is important to continuously support your spouse. They are going to need someone to help them through the struggles they will encounter in the recovery process.
- Facing challenges isnt as difficult with support. Having someone to rely on when temptations or obstacles arise makes those emotions seem manageable.
- You can hold them responsible for their actions. Sometimes, addicts become too confident in recovery or fall back in old behavior patterns. A loved one provides valuable insight into their behavior. This accountability can help them address the issues.
- Their confidence and self-esteem grow when they have the support they need. It feels good to have people who want to be around you and who care for your success. It is the same with overcoming addiction a cheering section in their favor will help them have a more positive outlook on the future.
Friends Partners And Lovers: What It Takes To Make Your Marriage Work
Most marriages survive by gritting teeth and holding on. But marriages can and will not only survive but thrive when husbands and wives learn to cherish one another. Those are the powerful words of bestselling author Gary Thomas in his newest bookCherish. And in a world desperate for marriage redemption, it is needed now more than ever. Thomas shows that although there are a countless number of marriages consisting of two people just going through the motions, there are real ways this pattern can be reversed: when husbands and wives learn to cherish one another in proven, loving, and everyday actions and words.
Newest Release – Episode 2: Heroes Providing Hope
Discover the amazing work our PRCs Directors, Nurses, and Volunteers are making in their communities! Youll see firsthand testimonies of a PRC in action, and that there are other options outside of abortions! Youll also discover how your family can support your local PRC!
Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!
Will you pray for the pre-born and moms that are facing unexpected pregnancies? We will send you a 7-day prayer guide that will help guide you along this journey with us!! You can even choose to receive this great resource by text!
Newest Release – Episode 4: Sometimes the Choice is Hard
Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!
Newest Release – Episode 3: The Power of a Picture
Yes, I Promise to Pray for the Pre-born and Their Moms!
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