Tuesday, September 27, 2022

What To Do When Your Spouse Is An Addict

What Are Signs Of Substance Abuse If Youre Married To An Addict

My Husband Has A Gambling Addiction How Do I Handle Our Finances

The signs of substance abuse if youre married to an addict will differ on the frequency, type, and potency of the substance. But whatever the substance, here are some signs of substance abuse you should be looking out for:

  • Change in mood swings
  • Frequent absence from family activities or together time
  • Increased secrecy or privacy, especially on their electronic devices or accounts/computers.
  • The decline in personal hygiene
  • The decline in work performance or other responsibilities
  • Increased risk-taking behaviors
  • Disappearance or lack of funds

The Courage And Financial Ability For Trial

Trial is stressful. Many want to avoid it. It should not be a first resort. Trial is for those divorce cases where the spouses are unable to resolve the issues.

However, trial also takes courage. You must have the stomach to put the issues in front of the court and let the court decide. You also need the financial ability to take the case to trial. That requires you and your attorney to collaborate on the following issues:

  • Your personal ability to afford a trial.
  • Your spouse’s ability to pay for your attorney’s fees and the timing and amount of the fee request.
  • The community property resources available to pay for the fees.
  • Your ability to obtain financial help from family or friends and the terms of such a loan or gift.
  • Involve Your Family In The Recovery Process

    Effective treatment options for drug and alcohol addiction involve the whole family. As a spouse, you are a partner in your loved ones experience and can play a key role in setting up and creating boundaries that support both of you. A treatment approach that focuses specifically on you and your spouse is behavioral couples therapy .

    Behavioral couples therapy works to reduce substance use by teaching couples to interact more effectively. This type of therapy has shown to help reduce substance use while also increasing relationship satisfaction and family functioning.

    Substance abuse impacts more than just you and your husband and wife it affects the entire family system. Thats why family therapy is an important part of addiction recovery. Family therapy helps you recognize strengths and resources that can help your spouse maintain recovery. Youll also identify how addiction has impacted the family system, and ways to move forward.

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    Divorcing The Dysfunctional Addict

    The dysfunctional addict is the opposite of the functional addict. He or she bounces from one job to another and is unable to hold down a job. Dysfunctional drug addicts often have a criminal record, including those for possession and/or use of illegal drugs, and driving under the influence.

    The dysfunctional addict may also have a record of attending and falling out of rehabilitation.

    Q: What Changes Did You See In Him Once He Turned To Heroin

    How Can I Help My Alcoholic Husband? by Cherry Parker ...

    A: Oh, he was so much worse. He would lay around the house nodding out constantly. I cant count the times I saw him passed out on the couch with drool pouring from his mouth. He stopped eating he only left the house to go meet his drug dealers. He was literally just a shell of a man. Tom, the person Id loved for the better part of my life, was now a stranger.

    For years, I covered for Tom and cleaned up his messes. I made excuses to his family, my family and all of our friends.-Janet Howe

    For years, I covered for Tom and cleaned up his messes. I made excuses to his family, my family and all of our friends. I assured them he was fine and just felt a little under the weather. And while I was out there doing damage control, Tom became violent towards me. He never physically struck me he was just so verbally and emotionally abusive especially when he couldnt get any heroin and experienced withdrawals.

    I tolerated this for six years six long, sad years of my life. I had convinced myself that, if I left him, I would be abandoning him. As if his choices were somehow a result of my actions. I didnt want to give up on him, you know?

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    Q: What Finally Made You Change Your Mind About Leaving

    A: Believe it or not, I was watching an addiction documentary on TV and felt like it was a mirror image of my life. I knew I had to be strong and put myself first for once. I wanted a better life and, if Tom wasnt interested in improving our lives as a couple, I had to go.

    Dont get me wrong Id done all the research and reached out to counselors beforehand. Tom ultimately entered, and was kicked out of, seven rehab programs. It was an ugly pattern that just kept repeating itself. In the end, I had to give myself permission to leave him in order to save my own life. And that wasnt an easy choice to make it was the hardest thing Ive ever had to do.

    Effects Of Substance Abuse On A Marriage

    Addiction can take a serious toll on personal relationships and particularly on marriages. One of the biggest problems caused by substance abuse is a financial strain. Addiction can be very costly and have a negative impact on family finances.

    Substance abuse can lead to arguments and fights, which could in turn lead to more substance abuse. There are a number of things that could be argued about when you are married to an addict. Arguments can occur about their drug or alcohol use, staying out late, or neglecting home responsibilities.

    If you have been unaware or lied to about your spouses use of drugs and alcohol, your trust for them could be negatively affected.

    Trust is the most important part of a marriage and substance abuse could erode the trust that forms the foundation of your relationship. Lies about where the addicted spouse is or what theyre doing could continue throughout early recovery. Trust issues may persist throughout this time and both parties will need to work on this area.

    We have covered many issues that can arise in marriages with an addict. Neglecting to communicate with one another could lead to these and many more issues. Although issues will seem to be overwhelming, remember that you and your spouse are partners and try to use these struggles to bring you closer.

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    How Addiction Can Destroy A Marriage

    There are about 24 million married Americans who are either addicted or in a relationship with a person who is struggling with a substance use disorder . There are many ways that one spouses addiction can hurt the other spouse and erode the bonds of matrimony.

    Loss Of Trust

    Individuals with an addiction tend to lie to their spouses about the severity of their addictions, conceal how much money they spend to pay for them, and break promises to change their behavior. Over time, this dishonesty breaks the basic foundations of trust which are necessary in any relationship. Spouses who have addictions to sex or pornography might also commit adultery or be unfaithful, which is another breach of trust.

    Common Questions About Rehab

    Financial Burdens

    Furthermore, spouses with an addiction may spend too much money, waste savings, and even incur debt or sell property to pay for their habits. They could fall behind at work and lose their job, or they might commit crimes such as theft and DUI which may require posting bail and paying fines and legal fees. The financial consequences of addiction can be disastrous for a married couple, especially if theyre raising children.

    Emotional Distress And Abuse

    The Evaluation Report Against Your Position

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    If the report does not support your position, you and your divorce attorney should discuss whether the issues are worth further litigation. A report is not the final word. Evaluators make mistakes. You should ensure your criticism of the evaluator’s recommendations and work is objective, and not emotion-based.

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    Creating An Environment That Sustains Recovery

    When a partner or spouse comes home from rehab, it is probably unrealistic to expect that they will find a completely addict-proof environment. Even if all traces of alcohol, illicit drugs, or potentially addictive prescription medications are removed from the house, images of alcohol or drug use in magazines, TV shows, or movies can trigger cravings.

    Friends may inadvertently appear at the house with beer or wine, unaware that someone in the home has just completed substance abuse treatment. Most significantly, the partner of the recovering addict may not be ready to give up alcohol or drugs. Partners of individuals in recovery must be very honest with themselves and with their partner about their readiness to join them in sobriety.

    The following checklist can be used as a guide to creating a home that supports long-term recovery after rehab:

    How To Help A Spouse With An Addiction

  • Dont enable their behavior. Hold them accountable for their actions. This means shutting down excuses. Take charge of finances in the house. Dont allow them to dip into it for whatever reason they may come up with. Enabling starts off with good intentions, but its harmful. It benefits an addict to have some tough love.
  • Treat them with kindness and empathy. Tough love is different from hostility. This will undoubtedly be hard to do. While a substance use disorder affects everyone around an addict, its a medical disorder. Keep this in mind. This will stop defensiveness.
  • Reach out to friends and family for help. A drug addiction can be embarrassing. An entire group of support is worth the initial embarrassment. Ask close friends and family to keep an eye out. They could enable a loved one with a substance use disorder unintentionally.
  • Read about addiction. Books, studies, and blog posts can help. These are a good way to understand what an addict is going through. Also, they offer good advice on how to get through addiction with an intact marriage. Dry and Drunk Mom are two good memoirs about addiction. They prove that addicts deserve love like everyone else.
  • Include them in adventurous, physical activities. Exercise depletes the stress hormone, cortisol. With this, it boosts chemicals in the body that make people happy and relaxed. Physical activity can give an addict a similar sensation to taking drugs. This will distract them from cravings.
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    The Dos And Donts Of Living With An Addicted Spouse

    Dealing with an alcoholic or drug-addicted spouse will have a massive impact on a persons life physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. As a source of assistance in these troublesome times for you, here are some of the things you should try to do when living with an addict, and when trying to discuss their addiction with them. Please remember, in such difficult times, you are never alone.

    The following advice applies not only to you the spouse of an addict but for anyone else living in the same home your children, other relatives, and friends.

    Obviously, it would be far better if your addicted spouse would agree to treatment. However, getting them to that point is usually a major obstacle in itself, and can even prompt bursts of anger and outrage, especially if they believe that they are not even addicted in the first place. To that end, here is the right way to address their need for treatment when speaking with them about it.

    How Northpoint Washington Can Help You

    My Husband Is An Alcoholic  What Should I Do?

    First, its important to remember your addicted spouse isnt who they used to be. Addiction is one of those conditions that dramatically changes a persons character because their focus is now only on fulfilling their physical and mental need for their substance of choice. Secondly, its vital that you remember you are not alone professional help and guidance is simply a phone call away.

    Northpoint Washington is recognized as one of the best and highly rated addiction rehab centers in the Seattle area, and the state of Washington. We offer a completely individualized addiction recovery plan that is catered to your specific addiction, background, and mental health needs. Located in Edmonds, Washington, only 17 miles away from Seattle, our specialists are available right now to assist you simply call 832-2796.

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    Encourage Them To Seek Help

    Encourage your spouse to get help, even if you dont understand why they relapsed. Introduce the topic and either consider a previous treatment option or something new. Dont get bogged down trying to figure out the perfect solution. Just help them open up to the idea of recovery and remind them youll be there for support.

    Is Divorce Inevitable When Married To An Addict

    Addiction is, without a doubt, one of the greatest challenges for a marriage. The non-addicted spouse is affected by the addiction directly and indirectly.

    They have to watch someone they love going through a disastrous downward spiral. Often, they also have to look at how this affects their children.

    On top of that, they can be lied to, possibly cheated on, shouted at, possibly physically hurt, and be treated with far less respect than they deserve to be treated with.

    Addiction will gradually eat away the trust and the closeness and by being legally bound to the addict, the non-addicted spouse will also be legally bound to share the damage that the addict might cause.

    All this has the power to strain the marriage and drain the non-addicted spouses energy and tolerance. And it may be the cause of a divorce.

    Not necessarily, though, as to whether the divorce will happen depends on a number of reasons, such as whether the addict is getting a treatment and how successfully, the quality and strength of the relationship prior to the addiction, etc.

    Now, if you decide to get a divorce due to drug addiction, you will come across the questions, how to divorce a drug addict and when to divorce an addict.

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    Acknowledge And Feel Your Emotions About Their Addiction Relapse

    Addiction is an emotional rollercoaster, and you may have gotten used to the chaos and emotional pain. Youve probably pushed aside your needs and emotions to help your spouse. Its common to feel a wide range of feelings when watching your spouse struggle with addiction.

    • You may feel broken, hurt and ignored.
    • Feels of being invisible, powerless or unworthy of attention.
    • You may feel resentful for holding everything together behind the scenes.

    If youve tried expressing your feelings, your words may fall on deaf ears. Your spouse may not have empathy or understand your side of the issue. They may acknowledge their addiction is hurting your marriage, but they may not know what to do with your emotional pain.

    You cant control how your spouse behaves or feels, but you can adjust how you respond. Here are some ways to address your needs without hurting your spouse more.

    Understand that your sacrifices and struggles may never be fully recognized by anyone other than you. It may not feel very good at first, but releasing toxic feelings can help you live with this reality. Maybe your spouse will acknowledge the impact on you during their recovery, but they may not. You can keep moving forward without getting bogged down by an unmet expectation.

    Navigating The Decision To Divorce With The Lord

    Husband’s Addicted To Fortnite, Wife Teaches Him Important Lesson | Dhar Mann

    Ultimately, that question is one that you have to work out between you and the Lord. Youre not going to give an account to me or to your husband or to your pastor or anybody else when King Jesus returns. When you have to give an account for your life and the decisions that you made, youre going to have to give an account to our King.

    And so youre going to have to get comfortable with the answer to that question as you walk before our Lord, ultimately.

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    Start Collecting Documents Right Away

    According to Avani Ramnani, a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst with Francis Financial, If you can no longer stay in your marriage due to a gambling addiction, you need to start collecting documents so that you can prove dissipation of assets.

    Francis Financial is one of the Best Financial Firms for Women, according to Working Woman and Working Mother magazines. During the last decade at the firm, Ramnani has worked with hundreds of divorcing women and sees how gambling can create dangerous financial situations. Ramnani shares: The best thing to do if you suspect your spouse has a gambling addiction is to get your finances in order, become financially empowered, and seek advice from a professional sooner rather than later. The more documents that you can collect, the easier it will be to prove your spouses wasteful use of marital money.

    Items to gather:

    Contact Free By The Sea Today

    If your spouse is experiencing addiction to drugs or alcohol, you could be the one to help them take the first step. They will need the support that you can provide in order to overcome their addiction.

    Dont let them do it alone. The success of their recovery not only affects them but also you. Getting professional help could help their well being along with yours and there is no reason not to get the help needed.

    Now is the time to encourage your spouse to seek out help. Support them and share with them your concerns for their future. As the two of you learn more about addiction and its effects on your lives and marriage, healing will begin.

    At Free by the Sea, we offer a variety of addiction treatments for drug and alcohol abuse. Please contact us to discuss how we can help you and your spouse today.

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