Keep Your Eyes On Christ
At the end of a long list in 1 Corinthians 6 of those who will not inherit the kingdom of God, including the sexually immoral and the adulterer, Paul says: And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God .
As you minister to these hurting women, do not despair. Their hope, their husbands hope, your hope, and our hope is in Christ, and He alone has the power to transform. I can testify to His faithfulness to me over the years and to His power to help my husband finally walk in victory. Keep your eyes on Christ, and point hurting women to do the same.
What Does An Effective Treatment Plan Look Like
Individuals who exhibit patterns of sexual impulsivity or compulsivity commonly also struggle with depression, anxiety, trauma, attention deficit difficulties, or substance use problems. There are also many struggles that appear similar to compulsivity that can make sexual behaviors extremely difficult to manage, such as obsessive-compulsive disorder. To ensure that you receive the most successful care possible, it is essential to examine how these factors may be playing a role in your behaviors. Unfortunately, many well-meaning providers fail to thoroughly screen for or address these other very real and often debilitating conditions. At PBH, we frequently see the aftermath of this when individuals come to us after attempting other, less comprehensive approaches. They are often frustrated that they are not getting better or feel that treatment is hopeless. Together, we can work to figure out how the pieces fit together for you. We can then build an appropriate treatment plan to help you achieve a rich, rewarding, and connected life.
How Do You Keep A Relationship Strong
Keeping a relationship strong involves practicing the elements of a healthy relationship, including open communication with a balance of give and take and serving each other so each can make the others life better. Accepting and trusting each other, respecting boundaries, and seeking and giving consent will help keep a relationship strong. As will exercising patienceand more patience.
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Can Relationships Really Survive This
The discovery of affairs or other infidelities is one of the most painful problems a couple can face. With the relationship in crisis, it can be hard to know what to do to move forward. This is a difficult and fragile time and requires a skilled therapist who is knowledgeable on infidelity to help you navigate the pain of betrayal and rebuild your relationship. Healing from infidelity or sexual behavior problems takes guidance from a therapist who understands the complexity and depth of pain and who is able to delicately work through the many potential factors, psychological and otherwise, that precipitated the infidelity.
With the right approach, many couples are able to come out the other side more joyful, connected, and healthy than they thought possible. Deep pain can become transformed into a relationship that is beautiful and inspiring to others.
Feeling Inadequate And Unwanted
Karen strongly desired sexual intimacy with Bill. She had tried to rekindle their sex life by planning special evenings, sending sexy messages to him during the day, buying new lingerie and even losing a substantial amount of weight. But all her efforts hadnt changed the situation.
God didnt miraculously fix their issues, although Karen prayed thousands of prayers. She read everything she could find about improving marriage, trying to find anything that would draw Bill back to her. She sought counsel from her pastor and Christian mentors. She attended Bible studies and tried to be the best wife possible. She hoped that if she kept a clean house, cooked and treated Bill well that he would choose to meet her needs, too. Nothing worked. As years went by, she felt helpless to change the situation and stuck in a marriage where her needs were not met.
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Healing The Pain Is The Path Forward
As his partner, you have taken on more responsibility than you should have and focused on his needs instead of your own. The physical and emotional toll on your life has resulted in a pain worse than maybe anything you have ever experienced. Its time to take action toward healing the pain and the steps listed above can help.
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Let Her Tell You How She Feels Which May Or May Not Be How You Expect Her To Feel
She was able to see his sin as independent of herself and was not taking it personally. However, so many people she had talked with expected her to feel heartbroken, and she was starting to think something must be wrong with her. So we need to really listen to what a woman is feeling and thinking without assuming we already know. She needs to be able to communicate those emotions to you. Only then can you meet her where she is and begin to help.
So Youve Listened. Now What Do You Say?
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What Is Included In A Comprehensive Evaluation Of Sexual Behavior
For those who struggle with problematic or compulsive sexual behaviors , thoroughly assessing for the underlying nature of the struggle, as well as other possibly related mental health struggles, is essential to determine the most effective treatment for them. Each individual is unique, and therapy should be tailored to a clients particular needs. We offer a number of specialized tests to help determine underlying personal, sexual, and mental health struggles beyond just a quick label of “sex addiction.” Testing not only serves to highlight necessary treatment areas but can jump start your treatment making it a more efficient and effective process.
We do not promote any “one size fits all”
conceptual models for sexual behavior problems
A thorough sexual behavior evaluation will generally assess for the following:
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Sexual history and behavior patterns
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Sexual functioning
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Exploration of possible functions of the sexual behaviors
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Relationship and attachment patterns
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Comprehensive screening for mental health struggles
Understanding The Root Of Your Child’s Misbehavior
Often, children act out because they are used to getting attention through bad behavior. Dr. Kevin Leman offers advice to help parents transform their childs behavior. He discusses the benefits of allowing your kids to learn from real-life consequences and describes the importance of understanding your childs temperament based on his birth order.
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Find Your Own Support Group And Marriage Counselor
While working through this difficult time, there are two important factors to keep in mind: you did not cause this problem, and recovery is possible . Remember, you dont have to go through this alone, and there are people out there who understand what youre going through. Take steps today to find help and move forward inyour own recovery.
Dr Tim And Mrs Noreen Muehlhoff
Dr. Tim Muehlhoff is a professor of communication at Biola University in La Mirada, California where he teaches classes in family communication, interpersonal communication, apologetics, gender, and conflict resolution. Tim and his wife, Noreen, are both on staff with Biolas Center for Marriage and Relationships where he is a co-host of The Art of Relationship podcast.
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Mistake 4suggesting Ways In Which She Has Contributed To His Unfaithfulness
Church leaders and communities need to know that emotional abuse and infidelity are not couples issues. They are not the results of communication problems, too-busy schedules, or differences of opinion.
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Todays churches cannot afford to endorse or enable this line of thinking: first because it isnt true, but also because it does not help!
Most wives will go through a process of internalizing their husbands addiction. Women commonly translate their husbands behavior into messages about themselves, their value and worth, their sexual ability, about being a good enough wife.
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As they do this, women almost always come up short in their own minds. Hearing this confirmed by someone else within their faith community, someone they respect, will compound those feelings of inadequacy. That can result in a severe delay in healing for women who were never even broken in the first place. All parties involved will heal much faster when responsibility for this brokenness is assigned where it belongs.
Sexual addiction is not about the betrayed spouse, her value as women, nor her worth as a wife. This is about the brokenness of a society that values womens body parts more than their hearts and souls. Even Christian men have been sold this lie and paid for it dearly, a lie which leaves them dissatisfied with the wives that God has chosen for them. Thats on husbands, not on wives.
Why Your Kids Misbehave And What To Do About It
Tantrums. Talking back. Throwing toys or food. Meltdowns. Slamming doors. Kids know just how to push your buttons. Youve tried all sorts of methods, but nothing seems to work. In this book, Dr. Kevin Leman reveals exactly why kids misbehave and how you can turn that behavior around with practical, no-nonsense strategies that really work . . . and are a long-term win for both of you.
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Information For Spouses And Partners Of Sex Addicts
A few years ago, Dr. Jennifer Schneider, Dr. Charles Samenow, and I conducted a study of betrayed partners of sex addicts to learn more about the ways in which sexual addiction damages not only their relationships but their emotions. Unsurprisingly, almost every person in our survey said their addicted partners behavior impacted them in numerous negative ways loss of self-esteem, stress, anxiety, depression, inability to trust, reduced ability to enjoy sex and romance, etc.
Other research has reached similar conclusions. For instance, one study of women married to sexually addicted men found that, upon learning of their husbands serial infidelity, many of these women experienced acute stress and anxiety symptoms characteristic of Posttraumatic Stress Disorder . Typically, this manifested in one or more of the following ways:
This does not necessarily mean that betrayed partners of sex/porn addicts should be diagnosed and treated for PTSD it simply means that, for a time, they tend to manifest various symptoms of PTSD. This is understandable, too. Maybe even expected. As survivors of chronic betrayal trauma, it is perfectly natural for a cheated-on partner to respond with rage, anger, fear, and other strong emotions.
Be Honest With Yourself
When you have a spouse who is in sex addiction recovery, you may be prone to thinking theyre the one living a life of secrecy. But in reality, you may be lying to yourself, too. Be honest with yourself about what is going on, how its affecting you, and whether or not your relationship is in a healthy place. Youll only be able to improve the relationship once youre both honest and vulnerable with one another.
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Raising A Strong Daughter In A Toxic Culture: 11 Steps To Keep Her Happy Healthy And Safe
Meg Meeker has been a pediatrician for more than thirty years, is a mother and a grandmother, and has seen it all. She knows what makes for strong, happy, healthy young womenand what puts our daughters at risk. Combining that experience with her famous common sense, she explains the eleven steps that will help your daughterwhether shes a toddler or a troubled teento achieve her full human potential.
Reconciling Faith And Science In A Medical Crisis
Dr. Lee Warren is a neurosurgeon who has faced many heavy challenges in his life from serving in the Iraq War to removing deadly brain tumors to experiencing the loss of a teenage son. Hell share about his difficult quest to find answers to some of lifes toughest questions, while holding onto his faith in God and the sure hope of heaven
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You Are Not The Problem
- This isnt your fault. Your spouse made a choice, and your trauma is part of the consequencesunfair, but true.
- You cant fix your spouse. That isnt your responsibility. Let someone else work with him on finding freedom from addiction.
- Be truthful and open about your anger and pain. Dont kill him, but do communicate.
- Give yourself permission to cry and grieve the loss of trust and relationship. Unless you grieve, you cant build a new, healthy relationship.
- Practice healthy self-carewhatever that looks like for you.
Avoiding Communication And Trust
Karen was raised in a home without healthy communication family members did not discuss issues. Even the thought of talking about problems was scary for her. Growing up, Karen learned that her family had unspoken rules that guarded the familys denial of difficulties. The first rule was Dont talk what happened inside the home was private. The goal was to look perfect from the outside. The family lived as if talking about a problem was the only thing that made it real if a problem was not acknowledged, it didnt exist and nobody had to do anything to change the situation.
Another unspoken rule was Dont feel. Karen and her siblings were taught to put their feelings aside for the greater good of the family. Acknowledging her feelings was not emotionally safe for Karen, because if she expressed her emotion, she was shamed for being selfish.
Karens parents gave inconsistent support and often made promises they didnt keep. Through this, Karen experienced the final unspoken rule: Dont trust. When children dont have consistent support from adults, they find it difficult to trust people.
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Avoid Looking For Comfort In The Wrong Places
Some women might have a tendency to turn to food for comfort during this time. Overeating wont solve the problem, and like lust, it can put an emotional wall of shame between you and God. Seek comfort through the support of other women, and in the presence of Jesus, Who is waiting to comfort you. If you dont already, get a journal and write your feelings out. God can bless, comfort and speak to you through the outpouring of your heart in writing to Him.
Nobody Knows What Im Going Through
We do. The other partners in the program know. Coach Craig and his wife Michelle have been working with men and their partners for 7 years. Its their mission to empower partners to survive and thrive after the hell he put his wife, Michelle through. Coach Sandy knows what youre going through too. Her husband refused to do the work and she left him and is happily pursuing a great life.
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How Can The Mindful Habit Partner Empowerment Group Help You
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Teaches You An Empowerment Centered Approach To Survive & Thrive
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Learn To Heal Step by Step From Betrayal Trauma And Regain Your Center
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Better Understand Your Partners Addiction so Youre Empowered to Make The Right Decisions
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Expert Advice From People Who Have Been There And Healed and Know What Youre Going Through
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A Mission Crucial Community Support To Connect With Other Women & TMH Coaches
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This Structured Path Towards Healing Provides You With Specific Lessons To Manage Discovery & Disclosure
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Tools To Move Forward With Or Without Your Partner
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A Science-Based Shame Free Program thats Not Religious To Learn Tools That Actually Work
Loving Your Spouse Through The Seasons Of Marriage
Debra Fileta has identified the four seasons of marriage that correspond with our natural seasons spring , summer , fall , and winter . In this interview, she will help couples better understand the four seasons of healthy relationships, what to expect during each one, and how to carefully navigate them for a stronger marriage.
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Dont Try To Fix Your Spouse
As we mentioned in the last point, you are only responsible for your own actions. Likewise, you cant control the actions of your spouseso dont even try! You cannot fix your spouse, no matter how much effort you put into the cause. Only your spouse can ultimately change their behaviors and kick the habit.
Effective Habits To Embrace In Parenting
To be an effective parent, you must be a leader in your childs life, guiding with a gentle hand and setting a solid example. Dr. Randy Schroeder provides the insight you need to be a leader-parent. As he explores the foundational Rsrelationship, routines, responsibilities, and rulesyoull better understand the role you play in your childs life. Youll learn great phrases to employ such as Either/Or/You Decide and When You/Then You. While there is no perfect parent, this nuts-and-bolts material will equip you to lead your child in a loving, confident manner.
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Create Your Own Recovery Plan
For those who are struggling with addiction, we recommend creating a Plan of Recovery. This is equally important for spouses to help them set goals and work through their own healing. Take time to set your boundaries, practice positive self-talk, write in a journal, pick up a hobby or learn a new skill whatever brings you joy and allows you to take some time for yourself. This means putting yourself firstat least for a few minutes each day.
As you move through the healing process, remember to be compassionate with yourself. You are dealing with your own emotions and sense of betrayal, and need time to heal.
