Mr And Mrs Guy And Amber Lia And Mrs Jean Daly
Amber Lia is a work-at-home mom, blogger, public speaker, and co-author of two best-selling books. Her husband, Guy, is a former TV, feature film, and VFX development and production executive who has worked on popular TV shows and films. Guy and Amber own Storehouse Media Group, a faith- and family-friendly TV and film production company based in Los Angeles,
Remove All Forms And Source Of Temptations
Fighting our sinful habits entails not providing for our flesh and eliminating sources of temptation .
Jesus demonstrated the significance of this in the Sermon on the Mount with the hyperbolic command to tear out your eye if it causes you to sin .
This could include installing filters on your computer, phone, or television and removing anything that irritates your skin. You would not tolerate your sin any more than you would an armed killer living in your home.
You are weak, and you must make straight paths for your feet so that when you are weak, you can stand firm in Gods strength.
If you dont kill sin, it will kill you. Owen, John
Nerve Cells That Fire Together Will Wire Together
Sensitisation and learning are governed by this simple principle: nerve cells that fire together will wire together. When nerve cells experience pleasure, nerve cells carry that message to the reward centre by join together. Overtime, this pathway that carries this message becomes fixed. When a memory or cue activates memories related to this pleasure, a powerful craving arises because the pathways that allow this pleasurable cue to reach your reward centre are well established.
This is illustrated by the image below:
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Read This Prayer When Lustful Thoughts Come To You
One of the spiritual sages I met advised me to recite the following prayer of the Prophet :
O Ever-Living, O Sustainer! I call upon Your mercy for and I seek refuge from Your punishment. Rectify all my affairs and do not entrusts me to myself or to any of Your creation for even the blink of an eye.
Yayyu y Qayym, bi-ramatika astaghth, wa min adhbika astajr, ali l shan kullah, wa l takiln il nafs wa l il aadan min khalqika arfata ayn.
Another very useful prayer is the following:
My Lord! I seek Your protection against the insinuations of the devils and I seek your protection against them approaching me.
I recite these repeatedly whenever I am triggered or lustful thoughts enter my mind. I have found consistently that these thoughts go away and I get distracted by something else after reading the prayers. These prayers can be found in many collections of daily supplications. I personally recite it from the collection of Imam al-Haddad called Wird-al-Latif. If you dont already have a routine of reciting supplications, I highly recommend incorporating this collection in your daily routine. It has all the important prayers the Prophet advised for daily recital and takes only a few minutes to complete.
Understand The Nature Of The Battle
There is more knowledge about how the brain works now than ever before. Sexual addiction is not just a moral problem it is also a brain problem.
We can develop a brain problem with moral implications that cant be healed by moral solutions alone. We cannot just read our Bibles more, pray more or attend more small groups. We must be transformed by the renewing of our minds, and we must find healing for our wounds.
So where is healing found?
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Find A Sponsor And Call Them Daily
A sponsor is someone who holds you accountable for your sobriety and helps you work through the 12-steps. Two months of attending weekly SA meetings, I found they alone were not helping me stay sober. I had to find someone who I would commit to working the program and building a personal relationship. In SA meetings, senior members whove accumulated decent sobriety usually volunteer to take on new members. If you choose not to join SA, find someone from your social circle you can rely on: this can be a friend, Imam, spouse, family member etc. I highly recommend getting the White Book and Step-into-Action and working through these with your sponsor.
Why Cant I Just Stop It
Theres a famous Mad TV sketch in which comedian Bob Newhart plays a psychotherapist whose sole advice is two words he forcefully states to his patients: STOP IT! His approach illustrates the simplicity and complexity of habits we wish werent ours. All we have to do is stop it, right? But the fact that we dont just stop it speaks to the complicated nature of our desires.
The Apostle Paul wrote to the Romans about this very struggle:
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do. But what I hate, I do. I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do. Instead, I keep on doing the evil I do not want to do. So this is the principle I have discovered: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. What a wretched man I am!
If you were to stop reading right there, you might think that Paul, too, resigned himself to hopelessness. In this moment he asks the same question youre askingIs there hope? He words it this way:
Who will rescue me from this body of death?
His answer isnt no one. With gratitude and thanksgiving, he declares, Thanks be to God, through Jesus Christ our Lord!
The following statement is true of you if you have received the gift of Christs salvation: You, however, are controlled not by the flesh, but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you . Thats a true statement even when you dont feel it or feel like it.
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Fight Against The Flesh
We might think of our particular weaknesses as flesh signatures. In his book Conformed to His Image, Ken Boa writes: No two people have an identical combination of fleshly dispositions. Some have more of a problem with temper or envy, while others may have greater difficulties with unforgiveness or lust. Before we can effectively deal with the flesh, we must be honest enough with ourselves to determine our particular form of carnality.
In dealing with specific sins, one of Kens tactics involves personal affirmations for handling temptations. He likens them to martial arts: Just as judo leverages the force of an opponent to ones advantage, so these affirmations can convert the force of temptation into a positive spiritual reminder. Here is Kens affirmation for sexual temptation:
Humility And Contriteness Are A Cure Period
No way around the hard way go through the honesty-door and trust there are good things on the other side. Evil spirits do not like to be reproved, but people that want to change do!
Have you heard the phrase, trust, but verify? Spirits of guilt and shame do not like that phrase because they want you to continue in darkness or get a superficial adjustment. The desire to walk in the light does not come naturally it is a supernatural choice before the desires kick in. Being reproved will not last forever . God will rebuild your life out of the ashes into a purity and joy that is worth celebrating.
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Develop And Pursue A Stronger Love For Both God And The Gospel
Seek to grow in your love for God and appreciation for His love for you in the gospel.
Praise Him for His holiness and grace. God not only provides us with saving grace in the gospel, but He also provides us with sanctifying grace, which prepares us for service and is essential to who we are in Christ .
Ask God to increase your love for Him and your understanding of your role in the gospel.
Rejoicing in the goodness of Gods good design for sexuality: sex between one man and one woman who are committed to each other in covenant for life, is an important part of loving God.
What Are The Consequences Of All This Dopamine
If you have managed to read this far, you may be wondering what damage all of this dopamine has on your brain. The consequences are mainly in the form of brain changes. These changes cause the symptoms and conditions listed earlier. These symptoms and conditions are physical and psychological in nature.
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Access The Wound That Makes You Return To Unhealthy Addiction
We live in a broken, fallen world. You can grow up in a perfect family with tons of support and still get hurt. Some people can process their pain relationally with others, but many of us cant do that. We dont know how. We find ways to numb our pain, and those can become addictions.
Ultimately, you must go on the journey of exploring your own life and ask, “Where have I been wounded and how do those wounds affect me today?”
Have you been hurt by abuse? Divorce? High school? If we dont identify these wounds, well end up treating the symptoms rather than the root problems. You must explore your own story with safe people. Discover where youve been wounded and allow yourself to process that pain. Then you can find healing.
Receiving Gods Forgiveness Is Essential
If you do not receive Gods forgiveness, you will attempt to fix everything your own way, and it will fail. Save yourself the energy and use these Scriptures the way He wants you to.
For thus saith the high and lofty One that inhabiteth eternity, whose name is Holy I dwell in the high and holy place, with him also that is of a contrite and humble spirit, to revive the spirit of the humble, and to revive the heart of the contrite ones. Isaiah 57:15
I will stand upon my watch, and set me upon the tower, and will watch to see what he will say unto me, and what I shall answer when I am reproved. Habakkuk 2:1
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Reward Circuits: Seeking Pleasure And Avoiding Pain
At its most basic level, the reward circuit allows us to seek pleasure and to avoid pain. Our very survival depends on the avoidance of pain and the repetition of pleasure. To this end, the reward circuit encourages us to engage in activities that either further our survival or the survival of our genes. These activities include sex, eating, bonding, achievement, play, novelty and taking risks.
We literally do not make a decision without consulting our reward circuit. The reward circuit emotionally justifies what we do like and what we dont like. When you are addicted to something, your reward circuit is out of balance. This affects your mood, your perception and your decision-making powers.
How To Join A Support Group
For most support groups, all that is required to join is a desire to begin recovery. Most people join a support group by simply walking in the door of a meeting near them. No invitation is required and there are no dues or fees. For members, there is often a voluntary collection.
That said, there are “open” meetings for members and non-members as well as closed meetings for members and prospective members only. Depending on the type of meeting, you might come across some of the following codes that indicate a more exclusive support group or additional services offered:
- American Sign Language
- Al-Anon Family Groups from Al-Anon
You can still find a meeting the old-school way by looking up a phone number in the white pages of the local telephone book or online.
Some databases are detailed and allow you to see which meetings are for newcomers or are wheelchair accessible, non-smoking, or LGBTQ+-friendly, among other characteristics. Other pages are less detailed and may only have phone numbers or listings for you to contact the meeting organizers.
The following is a list of official mutual support group websites and their meeting listings. If you cannot locate a face-to-face meeting near you, there are many online meetings available.
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Get Physical & Get Away From The Computer
Crackheads arent just addicted to the high of crack cocaine. Theyre addicted to the stuffing, lighting, and the passing of the crackpipe. Its the ritual.
However, you almost certainly have to use a computer.
This creates a ritual. You sit down with the intention of working, but you get the urge to jerk off. Good old-fashioned physical activity works best for me at those times.
Go for a run, lift some weights, stretch, whatever.
This also has the side benefit of getting you in shape, which will make the next step that much easier.
What Is A Support Group
There are common misconceptions about support groupsincluding about what they can and cannot do. A support group can be defined as a group of people who share concerns or experiences. These groups meet regularly in order to provide each other with advice, comfort, and encouragement.
While support groups can be important in the recovery process, they are not meant to provide treatment. Instead, their focus is on providing peer support, allowing members to share their stories, celebrate each other’s successes, and talk about coping strategies that may help.
Family and friends are still an important source of support for people in recovery, but they aren’t always able to understand what the person might be going through. Support groups help fill in an important gap in social support by providing the opportunity to talk to people who have been in the same situation and may be better able to empathize and offer tips coming from a lived experience.
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Surrender To The Holy Spirits Power
God does not abandon us in our battle against sin, but rather provides us with the most powerful weapon in our arsenal: His Spirit within us.
For if you live according to the flesh, you will die, says Romans 8:13, but if you put to death the deeds of the body by the Spirit, you will live.
Walking in step with the Spirit will focus your mind on spiritual matters rather than relying on your own strength and wisdom to combat sin.
Fight For Your Future
Jesus used violent language in the fight for the future:
If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life crippled than to have two hands and go into hell, into the unquenchable fire. If your foot causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life lame than to have two feet and be thrown into hell.And if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out. It is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into hell,where their worm never dies, and the fire is never quenched.
Of course, you realize that its not the hand or foot that causes you to sin, but it is rather the person making choices with hands, feet, eyes . Id argue that if you had the willpower to actually cut off your hand, then you would also have the willpower to cut off your bad habit. So why is Jesus speaking this way? I think Hes being somewhat absurd to illustrate these points:
- The sin that we engage in ruins our lives.
- We have the ability to know our own particular weakness .
- We have the ability to make choices to fight against even worse consequences.
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Effective Habits To Embrace In Parenting
To be an effective parent, you must be a leader in your childs life, guiding with a gentle hand and setting a solid example. Dr. Randy Schroeder provides the insight you need to be a leader-parent. As he explores the foundational Rsrelationship, routines, responsibilities, and rulesyoull better understand the role you play in your childs life. Youll learn great phrases to employ such as Either/Or/You Decide and When You/Then You. While there is no perfect parent, this nuts-and-bolts material will equip you to lead your child in a loving, confident manner.
Delete Your Browser History
Those of you with a background in psychology will recognize this as a type of Pavlovian conditioning. Pavlovian conditioning as defined by Wikipedia :
Classical conditioning refers to a learning procedure in which a biologically potent stimulus is paired with a previously neutral stimulus . It also refers to the learning process that results from this pairing, through which the neutral stimulus comes to elicit a response that is usually similar to the one elicited by the potent stimulus.
The only way around this is to delete your browser history.
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