Take Promises At Face Value
Once you realize that you are dealing with the addict, you will begin to second guess everything they say. Addicts are notorious for breaking promises, so find a balance between holding them accountable for their promises while still bearing in mind that anything that is promised will likely not come to fruition, at least not at this point.
How I Overcame Sexual Addiction
My name is Jordan, and Im a sex addict.
As soon as the words left my mouth, I felt like a total impostor.
The men and women seated around me, legs crossed and arms folded, draped over orange plastic chairs, would see right through me any second now. Even though I was staring down at the floor, I could feel their eyes burning in to me.
These people had real addictions my problems felt so entry-level by comparison. They had serious problems, not me.
I mean, sure, Id slept with countless women who I felt no emotional connection to.
Sure, Ive felt a deeply permeating sense of shame at the core of my being after compulsively acting out sexually.
And, if Im being honest with myself, Ive probably cumulatively spent weeks of my life watching porn, scanning sex ads, and frequenting massage parlours and sex workers in multiple countries.
Fuck. Who am I kidding?
The more I listened to the stories of the people around me, the more I realized that I was in the right place.
He Becomes A Financial Tight Arse
A recent talk about money led to the revelation that he spends over £40 a week on a bag, but justifies that by saying others spend more down the boozer. That may be factually accurate, but then again the local drunks down the pub are embarrassing themselves publicly, not hidden away at home. He can do what he wants with his money, but when he begins to forget he has a wallet its time to cut that 40 quid down.
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Individual And Group Therapy/counseling
Counseling and therapy can help your boyfriend address the underlying psychological issues that are contributing to his addiction, as well as help him learn new coping strategies for dealing with stress, drug cravings, and other things that drive his drug or alcohol abuse. You can support him by participating in therapy sessions with him and encouraging him along the way.12-step meetings or support groups: 12-step meetings and other support groups provide your addicted boyfriend with the linear step-by-step process and support of a group on the road to recovery. You can attend these meetings with your boyfriend or encourage him to attend on a regular basis to help support and maintain his sobriety.
People More Likely to Seek Treatment for Alcohol than Any Other Substance
Alcohol, or ethanol, is the number-one substance of abuse in addiction treatment attendees, as reported by a 2017 Recovery Brands survey. 68.85% of people in recovery engaged in treatment for an alcohol abuse problem, and nearly 53% of people sought alcohol abuse treatment more than any other substance. Out of all the substances that people abuse and receive treatment for, alcohol is the most pervasive. Luckily, its easy to find treatment. Call our helpline at 1-888-990-5824 to begin recovering from substance abuse today.
You Enable The Addict
Many people who choose to stay in a romantic relationship with a drug addict become enablers. An enabler is a person that supports negative and self-destructive behavior in another person. Often, an enabler is someone that is close to the person with the problem that he or she is enabling. So, its not uncommon for romantic partners of drug addicts to become enablers. Unfortunately, though, enabling a drug addict is harmful to both the drug addict and the enabler.
Individuals who suffer from addiction while also having an enabler dont have to feel uncomfortable or face the full consequences of their actions. This is because the enabler is often taking care of the person who has an addiction. Enablers also fix any problems that the drug addict creates due to his or her addiction.
As long as an addict is able to remain comfortable in life and be taken care of, he or she will never have a desire to change and get better. Therefore, oftentimes the most loving thing that a significant other can do for his or her romantic partner who is suffering from addiction is end the relationship.
In doing this, people force their loved ones with an addiction to feel the consequences of their actions. This also holds the addicted individual accountable for those actions. This will, in turn, force the addict to get help to fix his or her own problems by attending rehab.
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How To Handle Your Boyfriend Cheating
While you can wrack your brain, searching for reasons why this happened to you or how your boyfriend could do what he did, the fact remains: he cheated. Now the ball is in your court, and its up to you to decide how to proceed.
Here are some tried and true tips on what you can do and how you can move on after finding out that your boyfriend cheated on you.
Signs Of An Abusive Boyfriend
Common signs of an abusive partner can include:
- Physical aggression like hitting, kicking, or slapping
- Psychological intimidation, belittling, or humiliation
- Forced sexual intercourse or activities
- Controlling behaviors like isolating the person from friends and family
- Restricting access to certain activities
- Monitoring their movements or conversations
Worldwide, problem drinking is linked to an increased risk of intimate partner abuse. The reduction in self-control, the more intense mood swings, and the potential for an underlying mental illness make people who drink excessively more likely to abuse their romantic partners and more likely to become the victims of this abuse. WHO found that, in the United States, 55 percent of victims of intimate partner violence believed that their partner drank too much before physically assaulting them.
If you dont feel safe because of your partners drinking, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE for free and confidential support.
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Talk About It Carefully
You cant keep this bottled up or just talk to him about it. That is how you fall back into old patterns. Talk to a trusted friend or family member. Let them know whats going on.
Do remember that if you decide to get back together, what you say will stay with them. Be honest and share what happened and how youre feeling. Trash talk may feel good at the moment, but it can backfire later.
Put The Yourself As Priority
This is especially important when there are children involvednever allow yourself or your children to be abused or to be exposed to harmful chemicals, toxic smells, or any shifty people who may come around. Your safety and well-being comes first. This is where the boundaries come in. Tell the addict that, if they insist on using, they must do it elsewhere.
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Realize That Sometimes Change Is Impossible
No matter how much you love someone, and no matter how much you may be willing to help that person, no matter how hard you try, ultimately, the decision to become clean belongs to the addict. Sometimes, no matter what, they are not willing or able to become clean. At this point, you need to decide if you and your family should continue to pay the price for someone who is unwilling to change.
The most important thing to remember is that, even if you must walk away from a relationship, it is never your fault that someone chose their addiction over their family and loved ones. Remember that it was their decision, and you have done all that you could to help, but for your own safetyand sanitysometimes the only solution is to walk away, no matter how difficult that may be.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the authors knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
Send Your Spouse/partner With A Drug Addiction To Phoenix Rising Recovery To Receive Addiction Treatment
At Phoenix Rising Recovery, we understand that addiction affects more than just the individual that suffers from addiction. Thats why we offer services that help care for both the addicts and their loved ones. Here at Phoenix Rising Recovery, we also offer short-term and long-term forms of addiction treatment along with various specialized detox and addiction therapy services.
To learn more about Phoenix Rising Recovery, contact us today! Well gladly answer any questions that you may have.
When Someone You Love Has An Addiction
The fallout from an addiction, for addicts and the people who love them, is devastating the manipulations, the guilt, the destruction of relationships and the breakage of people. When addicts know they are loved by someone who is invested in them, they immediately have fuel for their addiction. Your love and your need to bring them safely through their addiction might see you giving money you cant afford, saying yes when that yes will destroy you, lying to protect them, and having your body turn cold with fear from the midnight ring of the phone. You dread seeing them and you need to see them, all at once.
You might stop liking them, but you dont stop loving them. If youre waiting for the addict to stop the insanity the guilt trips, the lying, the manipulation its not going to happen. If you cant say no to the manipulations of their addiction in your unaddicted state, know that they wont say no from their addicted one. Not because they wont, but because they cant.
If you love an addict, it will be a long and excruciating road before you realise that there is absolutely nothing you can do. It will come when youre exhausted, heartbroken, and when you feel the pain of their self-destruction pressing relentlessly and permanently against you. The relationships and the world around you will start to break, and youll cut yourself on the jagged pieces. Thats when youll know, from the deepest and purest part of you, that you just cant live like this any more.
Is Your Romantic Relationship Negatively Affecting Your Children
If your spouse/partners addiction is starting to negatively affect the lives of your children, its vital that your spouse/partner achieves sobriety as soon as possible. No addiction that an adult is suffering from should ruin the lives of young children.
As adults and parents/guardians its your responsibility to create a safe environment for your children to grow and develop in. If youre not creating a safe environment for your children, then they may need to live with someone else or be taken away. If you dont want this to happen, end your romantic relationship and focus on getting your spouse/partner into rehab.
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He Is Increasingly Demanding In The Bedroom
Apply A Show Don’t Tell Mentality
Once you begin to set the boundaries with an addict, they often make promises, saying they will stop using, or they will make other promises of things they will do to prove that they are sorry for what they have done. Stand firm with a “show me, don’t tell me” mentalitythey need to prove the changes, not just tell you they will change. Words don’t mean much, especially when someone has a proven track record of dishonesty.
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His Need For Sex Is Negatively Impacting Your Relationship
Cheating While Under The Influence
Infidelity can spiral out of control. The secrecy of getting away with a taboo indulgence and the thrill of living a double life can entice people to continually cheat. Drinking or using drugs to gain liquid courage to stray outside the bounds of a relationship is common for some individuals. In particular, alcohol lowers inhibitions and can reduce the judgment of those who drink. Someone may consider having an affair while sober once they use drugs or alcohol, they may be more likely to actually follow through with this notion.
Common Questions About Rehab
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Signs You Are Dating Someone Who Drinks Too Much
Only a doctor or licensed addiction specialist can diagnose someone with alcohol use disorder . That said, some signs to look for include:3
- Using alcohol in higher amounts or more often than intended.
- Being unable to cut down on alcohol use despite a desire to do so.
- Spending a lot of time obtaining, using, and recovering from the effects of alcohol.
- Cravings, or a strong desire to use alcohol.
- Being unable to fulfill major obligations at home, work, or school because of alcohol use.
If youre worried about your partners alcohol use, there are ways you can provide support for your loved one and point them in the right direction to find help.
Intimate Partner Abuse As A Result Of Alcohol
Intimate partner violence is a term encompassing abuse of many loved ones, including domestic violence against spouses or romantic partners. According to the World Health Organization , these abusive behaviors of an alcoholic in a relationship can cause physical, sexual, or psychological harm within the relationship.
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Recognize That You Need To Leave
The first step to learning how to leave a drug addict is recognizing that you need to leave. You should recognize that its time to leave your spouse/partner thats a drug addict by asking yourself the questions that we mentioned above and truthfully telling yourself the answers to such questions.
For example, when asking yourself if youre enabling your partners addiction, truthfully give yourself an answer. If the answer is yes, then that is one major reason why you should leave. If the answers to the majority of the questions that you ask yourself about your relationship with your spouse/partner indicate that you should leave the relationship, recognize that you should leave the relationship.
Hell Be A Miserable Fuck When Going Cold Turkey
Oddly enough, Ive recently discovered its a bit shit when he goes cold turkey. Mental health problems can be a result of years of smoking and Im beginning to see the early signs. Grumpy, short-tempered and defeatist, we had a memorable argument over which direction to cycle down a river during one of his dry spells. I blame the weed, not my navigational skills.
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Signs Your Partner Is A Sex Addict
If something seems amiss in your sexual relationship with your partner, its possible that he is compulsively using internet porn or sexual connection with others in a destructive way and may need help with porn addiction. There are warning signs you might see if your partner is having a problem with sexual compulsive behavior:
1. He may spend a lot of private time on his computer, his phone, or at work. Working long hours could be a cover for sexual compulsive behavior like viewing of internet porn. When you notice your partner is on the computer, he may turn it off or flip to another page. He may set up secret or hidden email accounts. He also may hide his cell phone to avoid your detection of his phone calls or text messages.
2. In general, his demeanor may change. You may notice that hes acting differently. He may become more secretive, private, unreliable, critical, or irritable. He might not be as social as he used to be and there may be unexplained absences. You may feel like you dont get straight answers anymore.
3. You may experience a lack of connection and intimacy. Your partner may not seem available to you and you may feel hes avoiding you. He seems tuned out or lost.
4. Your sexual interactions with your partner may change. Your partner may become uncharacteristically demanding or rough sexually. He may require more and more stimulation or he may become unresponsive sexually and cease initiating sex. He may develop a preference for masturbation.
How To Talk To Your Boyfriend About Drinking
A person watching their partner struggle with behavioral problems because of alcohol will naturally want to help. But what is the best approach? Generally, showing care and concern helps, but what if there is a serious problem? How should it be discussed?
Here are some suggestions that can help to start the conversation:
- Im concerned about how you behave when you drink because .
- Ive noticed that you seem to feel bad about yourself/life/your job/etc. when you drink too much.
- You seem to get sick a lot after you drink and I dont want you to feel bad.
- I wonder if you may feel better if you drink less/stop drinking.
- Maybe we can do something without alcohol this weekend.
Talking to him alone may be a good start to encouraging him to seek treatment or make healthier choices, like quitting use of alcohol. However, denial is one sign that a person struggles with AUD or problem drinking, so he may refuse help, deny that he has a problem, become angry, or lie about the problem.
In this case, you could try learning the CRAFT approach. This training teaches family and friends good strategies for helping their loved ones get treatment.4 But note that these approaches may work only if a person feels safe with their boyfriend. Unfortunately, alcohol abuse is a major contributor to intimate partner violence.
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