I Will Be Here When You Decide Youre Ready To Get Help
Most alcoholics arent going to be ready to get help when their loved ones want them to. Because of this, you may have to remove yourself from that persons life until they are ready to admit to having a problem. This does not mean you should shun them forever. Make it known that while youre going to distance yourself now, you will be available when they decide to go to treatment or if they need help getting started with recovery.
Ending Codependency With Someone Who Is Addicted
If you are in a relationship with someone who struggles with addiction and find yourself covering up for them, making excuses, and trying to control their use, it can take a toll on you emotionally. Codependency does come from a place of love and a desire to protect, care for, and help your loved one. However, it is important to understand that you may think you are doing a person a favor by covering up for them and helping them to avoid the negative consequences of their substance use, but you are actually reinforcing their substance use. If you want to treat your codependency, there are things you can try, even though these may be difficult for you to do:
- Let your loved one face the consequences of their actions, no matter how hard this may be.
- Let them handle the things that they are responsible for.
- Do not feel guilty for your loved ones substance use, as this is their problem to solve.
- Tell them that you are concerned and that their substance use is a serious problem.
Did You Learn Anything From This
One way to make them see they did not fail, shape their situation as a learning experience. By recounting their situation, they can look back at what happened, identify their triggers, and understand what and what not to do from then on.
Just remember to ask it in a non-judgmental way and communicate it in a way that you genuinely want to hear their story.
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Educate Yourself On Addiction
Our society often blames people for their own addictions as if it is a moral failure on the person’s part. Make sure that before speaking to your loved one, you understand that addiction as a disorder. The more knowledge you have about addiction, the better you’ll be able to communicate.
The National Institute on Drug Abuse describes addiction as “an inability to stop using a drug failure to meet work, social, or family obligations and, sometimes , tolerance and withdrawal.” Currently, people in the medical community more often use “substance use disorder” to refer to addiction.
There is still a lot of stigma surrounding addiction. Harmful beliefs including that people with addictions are selfish, lazy, and destructive are still common. Watch your tone of voice and make sure you are not speaking to your loved one in a blaming or accusatory tone.
Learn more about addiction from reliable medical sources, and try to understand your loved one’s point of view.
At the same time, don’t assume you know everything about their addiction simply because you do research. Each person with an addiction is a unique individual with their own experience.
Why don’t you just stop using drugs? You’re being selfish.
You are still my friend, and I care for you no matter what. Is there any way I can help?
What Does Denial In Addiction Look Like
Denial can be outright refusal to believe there is an issue. It can also be recognizing there may be a problem and their problems arent that bad. Comparisons to others who have lost more than they have is a common justification and manipulation to themselves and others. Many alcoholics feel they do not have a problem because they are still employed. An addict addicted to opiates may think they are justified because of legitimate physical pain and they arent junkies because the medication was prescribed by a doctor. A common denominator behavior in most alcoholics and addicts is the thought that every problem is somebody elses fault. Many are also in denial that they need professional help and believe they can fix any problem themselves. Below are a few examples of denial:
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Dos & Donts Of Talking About Addiction To A Loved One
Many people suffer from addictions to alcohol or drugs in the UK today. According to latest government figures, 268,390 adults contacted drug and alcohol addiction services in 2018. But dealing with addiction is not only a challenge for the addict.
Many families and friends are affected too. Helping a family member or friend to get help for their addiction will often start with a hard conversation. Parents, guardians, siblings and friends can feel ill-equipped with confronting the difficult issues of speaking to a loved one with an addiction. Addiction is often a deeply personal, sensitive and painful thing to talk about.
Whether you have friends, family members or work colleagues with an addiction and you want to know more about the challenges of alcohol or drug addiction, use our simple guide.
This guide is designed to help with understanding addiction and advised etiquette including things you should know as well as some dos and donts when talking to someone with an addiction.
What To Say To An Addicted Friend Or Family Member
If you have a friend, acquaintance or loved one who is a drug addict, one of the most important conversations you can have will be to get the addict into a treatment program. Perhaps your long-standing friendship is at risk or perhaps you notice that your loved one is missing inordinate amounts of time at work or perhaps you have noticed inexplicable mood changes. There are so many disturbing symptoms with drug addicts that family members often make huge adjustments to their own lives to avoid confronting the problem. Drug addiction usually affects everyone in the addicts circle.
Before we examine what you can say to a drug addict to get help they need, we should set a few guidelines. Number one on the list is that this conversation should not take place when the addict is using or is high after use. Timing can make the difference between a constructive conversation and a dead end.
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Strategize Before You Talk
Sometimes it is advantageous to have a companion present when you talk with a drug addict who needs help. A partner can often ensure the conversation stays constructive and can neutralize the resistance and denial from the drug addict.
Another tip is to not be confrontational, even if the drug addict goes on the attack. In addition to choosing the best time for this conversation, you must also be extremely patient. Do not cut the addict off as he or she offers resistance. Let the drug addict speak.
With these ground rules in place, lets look at what experts say are the thoughts that need to be put forth.
You have changed This is the first point you want to make. And, you should have specific examples of behavioral, career or relationship changes. Experts suggest this as the way to commence this conversation. I wanted to talk to you, because I have noticed you have changed, is a great start.
I love you Experts say that drug addicts are often insecure. Letting the addict know that you love them expresses the support the addict will need to continue this conversation.
You are not alone Drug addicts tend to be secretive and aloof from long-term relationships. By confirming the addict is not alone, you are showing lasing support as they enter recovery. The recovering drug addict will need help in the future. Be there.
Addiction And Your Sister
“I knew my sister had been acting strangely, but I had no idea what she was up to. I never really thought of her as being someone who would use substances of any kind. That was why I was surprised when I went to her house and found what I found on her coffee table. There were beer bottles everywhere, and I found empty prescription pill bottles too. It was probably the scariest moment of my life.
I couldn’t keep silent about it. I had to say something to her. I asked her why, and all she could say to me was that she didn’t know. She said she just wanted to feel better. I knew that wasn’t the way to do it, but I didn’t know any more than that. I need to know how I can help her. She’s a grown woman, so she’s able to make her own decisions. But, there should be some kind of way for me to help her, right?”
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Ask About The Development Of The Business
This question is great for a number of reasons.
For one, you show interest in the overall development of the business and that youre eager to understand where you fit into the picture. You can see how your seemingly not-so-important tasks are actually contribute to the companys success.
It also suggests that youre thinking beyond your daily work and that youre keen to see how you can contribute more towards the company as a whole.
What To Say To A Friend Leaving For Rehab
If youve just learned that a friend is leaving for rehab or addiction treatment, heres a few lines you can use if you get tongue-tied:
- I hope you get better soon.
- Im thinking about you.
- Id be glad to check your house/apartment for you while youre gone.
- Please dont worry about work. Just focus on getting well.
- Ill be here when you get home.
These positive messages let the other person know that you care, offer helpful sympathy without forcing advice, and let them know theyre still loved.
The list of what not to say is long, but you should take care to avoid comments like these nonetheless:
- This seems like an awfully big step. Cant you just quit on your own? If they could, they would quit on their own. A diabetic cant order the pancreas to produce insulin. An addict cant order the brain to stop craving substances. It doesnt work that way.
- Hey, youre just like . Each person is an individual. Nobody wants to hear they are just like someone else. They arent. Their problems may be similar to someone elses, but when theyre suffering from them, it all feels very personal.
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I Will Support Your Positive Change
Give your son or daughter the message that you will support their long-term recovery. Their positive change is what you will stand behind. Think through each action you take to decide if you are being helpful or enabling
Acknowledging positive change is a good thing. Our kids have taken a detour in life. We need to do what we can to support their safe return by supporting their recovery.
It takes work and effort to change the negative cycle and start down a healthier path. Send a clear message of what you will and will not support going forward.
How To Help Someone With A Drug Addiction
The most important thing you can do to help someone with a substance use disorder is to be there for them without judgment.
“You want to be supportive of someone seeking treatment, understanding of the challenges in doing so, recognizing that relapse can and is likely to occur, and acknowledging the work put in and helping them continue in treatment if relapse occurs at any point in their recovery process,” says Ruberto.
Educating yourself about drug addiction allows you to understand their experience better and support them in a healthy, productive way. To learn more about substance use disorders, explore the following resources:
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Thats Not The Right Way To Deal With Your Problems
This notion is one of the biggest reasons that alcoholics and addicts of many sorts have a difficult time seeking help because theyre afraid of being judged. A fear of judgment makes someone afraid to open up about their problems for a couple reasons.
- Theyre worried that their honesty may damage the relationship
- Theyre afraid to admit the problem to themselves
- Theyre worried about their social image
Being compassionate and understanding is important because it allows the alcoholic to feel comfortable. This is the first step towards them examining and seeking help for their alcoholism, which can be difficult if the only available supports are judgmental.
This isnt as much of a problem for alcoholics as it is for drug addicts, since alcohol is more socially acceptable. However, that can become a detriment, as shown in our next example:
What About An Intervention
Television has made the subject of interventions quite popular. An intervention is a structured, confrontational meeting led by specially trained personnel. The person leading the intervention creates a group of family, friends and others close to the addict and coaches them on how to confront the loved one about their addiction.
After an intervention meeting, if the addict agrees to go into treatment, its essential that the group is willing and able to help the person leave immediately.
Interventions can be helpful, but they arent always necessary. Please speak with a professional such as a medical doctor, counselor or psychologist about finding someone to lead an intervention.
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Things Parents Can Say When Their Child Is Struggling With Drugs Or Alcohol
Do you feel as parents, that it is hard to know what to say to your struggling son or daughter?
Would you love to have some ideas on where to start?
As parents, we are not necessarily skilled in knowing what to say when our child is using substances.
At times in my past, I have found myself wondering, If I had said something different, maybe my kids would not have struggled with drugs or alcohol.
I have to remind myself that addiction doesnt discriminate. Some kids were given everything they needed and more. They still went on to have a drug or alcohol problem.
Dont we all wish there was a recipe we could use that would help our children be more willing to seek help?
Get up to speed on research-based tools that can help you motivate your child to change. Add the Sunday newsletter to your weekly routine.
Still, our words can build self-esteem and empower kids at any point in their life.
You may wonder what to say to your struggling son or daughter that will have an impact. You may feel you are walking on eggshells when your child is in the midst of their substance use.
You may have heard as many parents have, that there is nothing you can do to help your child and that you need to let go.
As your kids grow they may forget what you said, but wont forget how you made them feel. ~ Kevin Heath.
Studies have shown that parents do have an influence. You can make a difference.
Review And Update The Relapse Prevention Plan
A plan isnt a plan if its not reviewed and revised based on situations that occur during execution. A large majority of treatment programs include the development of a relapse prevention plan.
This plan includes personalized red flags or warning signs your loved one has self-identified. Be familiar with the warning signs and action items your loved one intends to use to stop the snowball towards relapse.
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Things To Say At Your Next Performance Review
Just the mention of a performance review can get your heart racing at 100mph and your palms sweaty, but a great deal of the stress can be eliminated with proper preparation.
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The formality of an annual review can be just as dreaded by your manager and employer as it is by you. Unfortunately, though, these formal meetings are simply unavoidable. So, if you cant avoid them, the least you can do is to prepare for them as much as possible. After all, they can be a great way for you to highlight your achievements and discuss any concerns you may have.
To make your next performance review as painless as possible and to help you articulate your thoughts and feelings clearly and professionally, weve put together this list of things to say at your next appraisal.
Good For You You Deserve To Live A Happy And Full Life
One thing to remember when interacting with a person who has recently made the decision to change his life is to accentuate the positive. Questions like, What would happen if you started back up again? or Just one? put the focus on what the recovering person is giving up, when in fact the process of recovery involves coming to terms with all that one has.
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You Are Not Alone: What To Say To Someone Who Relapsed
Relapsing during addiction treatment is indeed a challenging time not only for the recovering person with addiction but their loved ones, as well. If you know someone who might be suffering from any addiction, youll have to keep your thoughts and emotions in check, so you dont push your loved one further away. You might be wondering what to say to someone who relapsed.
In addition to treatment for chronic drug relapse, you a part of their support circle will play a critical role in their recovery.
If youre in a situation where someone you care about has relapsed, heres what to say to them.