Thursday, July 11, 2024

Why An Addict Can’t Love You

Signs That A Relationship Is Begin Strained By Substance Abuse Include:

How To Treat The Addict You Love! | Russell Brand
  • Several, recurring arguments about how much alcohol or drugs the person has consumed
  • Arguing about staying out late or avoiding home to use drugs
  • Having to cover for the person because of their substance abuse, such as calling into work or school and telling them that the individual is sick
  • Drinking and using drugs are some of the few things partners do together
  • Either partner abuses substances to show affection
  • No one outside the relationship knows about the substance abuse problem
  • Episodes of domestic violence, including angry touching when either party has been drinking or using drugs

Can An Alcoholic Love Someone

Alcoholics can show deep and genuine love to other people. They can be giving and loving partners, parents, sisters, brothers, friends, sons, and daughters. They can want you to be happy, want the best for you, try to protect you. However, alcohol addiction is a dreadful disease. It hijacks normal brain chemistry and prevents an individual from functioning normally.

An alcoholic may genuinely believe that they love someone, but the affection does not last long when there is no alcohol in their system because of their disease. At the same time, an alcoholic may leave their partner for a drinking buddy who can be found at any bar.

In many cases, when an alcoholic gets to their bottom and realizes they have a problem, they already have a distorted view of the world and people around them. Selfishly, they dont realize the amount of hurt and pain they inflict on others. They are consumed by their addiction and feel justified in their destructive behavior.

Love And Drug Addiction

Romantic love and drug addiction , as they are both marked by strong urges that affect thinking and behavior patterns. Both love and addiction can seem irrational, but things that appear to be illogical to outsiders make perfect sense to people affected by new love or addiction.

Love and substance abuse both manipulate the typical release of chemicals in the brain. Neurotransmitters the chemical messengers in the brain are responsible for the feelings of pleasure, closeness, understanding and empathy people experience with both love and drugs.

When someone experiences love or uses a substance, the brain releases dopamine. This rewarding neurotransmitter helps regulate movement, emotions, motivation and pleasure more dopamine results in a more positive experience. Love, especially romantic love, offers an additional layer of chemical reinforcement. With the release of another neurotransmitter called oxytocin, people feel a psychological bond and emotional warmth with the other person.

The highest levels of dopamine and oxytocin occur in the early stages of romantic love before gradually fading with time. On the other hand, someone abusing substances can control dopamine levels by increasing the frequency or dose of their drug to maintain the desired effect.

Recommended Reading: Mental Health And Drug Addiction

Love Addiction And Well

There are three main theories of well-beingor classes of theoriesdiscussed throughout the literature . How one relates love addiction to well-being, and therefore to treatment, will depend upon the theory of well-being one finds most convincing.

The first class of theories concerning well-being are hedonistic theories, which are defined in terms of mental states. The simplest account of this type of view is that happiness, or pleasure is the only intrinsic good, whereas unhappiness or pain is the only intrinsic bad. More complex hedonistic views include a greater plurality of states of mind as possibly contributing to well being: for example, Freud is reputed to have refused analgesia when dying of canceralthough he was in great physical painon the grounds that he preferred to be able to think clearly in a state of torment than foggedly in a state of drug-induced comfort .

Yet however one construes6 this hedonistic mental-state view, it is clearly possible that a person could prefer to exist in a rapturous state of love, even though it might yield a number of adverse consequences in other areas of her life, due to its irrefutably high, intrinsic hedonic value. Indeed, in Western societies, being in love is widely considered to be an extremely valuable state, and possibly constitutive of a good life all on its own. This notion is captured in the ideal of dying for love with the implication that such a love might even be the very meaning of life.

Get The Help You Both Need At The Right Step

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Making the decision to stay or let go of a relationship with an addicted partner can be extremely difficult. Only you can know when youve reached your breaking point. Whatever you decide, give yourself permission to take care of yourself. That way, youll be able to let go and move on or stay and provide healthy support for your loved one in recovery, without sacrificing your own needs. Make sure you have the right mental health services and addiction recovery resources to support you both for the long haul. Reach out to The Right Step at to find help.

Read Also: Addiction Treatment Centers In Oklahoma

What Is Love Addiction Exactly

Love is a powerful emotion all on its own. Excitement, energy, and joy abound at every turn. Of course, these experiences and feelings don’t last forever. Eventually, those new feelings give way to more mature ones. This is a hallmark of a healthy, long-term relationship. However, for someone who is addicted to love, they thrive on those initial feelings of euphoria. In many ways, this is very similar to what a drug addict feels when he or she gets high.

Once those feelings of euphoria begin to fade, the individual usually begins seeking another relationship. Love addicts find it very hard to stay in a relationship without the euphoric happiness. That is their drug of choice. This addiction is a process addiction, which means that it doesn’t involve drugs or alcohol, but behaviors. These behaviors can be just as dangerous and detrimental to one’s life.

Of course there are other ways that love addiction can be demonstrated as well. It doesn’t always have to apply to romantic relationships with other people. In some cases, it can apply to friends, children, religious figures or even movie stars.

Regardless of who the victim is in the love addiction, it is a serious problem that needs attention. If left untreated, the love addict is liable to become very hurt in the end. Serious consequences can result from an ignored love addiction.

Common Symptoms Of Love Addicted Individuals

Love addiction is frequently mistaken for an intense sense of passion. However, by looking for a few different symptoms, you can identify a love addiction. These symptoms include:

  • Frequently mistaking intense sexual experiences for love.
  • Searching and craving a romantic relationship.
  • When in a relationship, feeling afraid of the other person’s unhappiness.
  • Always striving to please the other person.
  • Feeling alone and desperate when not in a relationship.
  • Having problems maintaining relationships once the newness wears off.
  • Not being able to handle being alone.
  • Using sex and fantasy to help avoid loneliness when not in a relationship.
  • Choosing partners that are verbally or physically abusive.
  • Choosing partners that are emotionally unavailable.
  • Choosing partners who need to be taken care of.
  • Participating in activities that don’t interest you in order to please a partner.
  • Giving up certain things to be sure your partner is happy.
  • Using sex to hold on to a partner.
  • Using sex or romance to tolerate difficult emotions or experiences.
  • Searching for romantic relationships at the expense of other things in your life.
  • Having problems with leaving an abusing relationship.
  • Returning to dangerous or painful relationships repeatedly.

Have you noticed any of the above behaviors in your own life? If you have, it’s possible that you have a love addiction that need to be treated right away. Ignoring it is only going to make the situation worse.

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Can A Drug Addict Love You Back

No, at least not in the way that healthy love is defined while the addiction is active. An active drug addict might believe they love someone, and at times, they might behave in a loving way. But it is a broken relationship if active addiction is a part of it.

If you are asking yourself if a drug addict can love, seeking counseling and learning about addiction can be helpful.

Its important to note that many addicts are attracted to people with codependency issues or who are also addicts. Your enabling behaviors do nothing to help your loved one. The same is true if you neglect your health issues or fail to set healthy boundaries.

Suppose you are in a relationship with someone who is addicted to drugs. In that case, the best thing you can do is seek support from a professional who understands the dynamics of drug addiction and how it affects relationships.

All hope is not lost, though. It is possible for someone with a drug addiction to recover and the addiction to be inactive.

Many people recover from addiction and live happy, healthy, and fulfilling lives capable of healthy and loving connections. The healthier you are and the more you focus on your own life, the more you can help the person you care about if he or she is willing to accept help and break their addictive behaviors.

Differences Between Fact And Fiction

Why Do Addicts and Alcoholics Hurt The Ones They Love?

With secrecy comes increased lying and deception, so its only a matter of time until a loved one begins to notice the differences between fact and fiction.

If your partner is lying about abusing drugs, its understandable to form trust issues due to the perceived lack of respect, honesty, and dedication from your partner.

Even in a healthy relationship, honesty and trust are key. Reduced trust usually leads to other issues such as anger, jealousy, fear, and resentment.

Recommended Reading: What Is The Disease Concept Of Addiction

How To Detach From An Addict And Still Love Them Without Enabling

Most people are unaware they arent enabling their loved one to help them they are enabling their loved one for themselves. Enabling is not about what it is providing the other person, it is about what comfort it is bringing you when you provide comfort to another person. Many family members enable for the same reason addicts use substances, it feels good and it fills a void or inadequate feeling. One of the biggest reasons that causes family members to continue enabling behaviors is the fear of letting go and the fear of no longer feeling needed in the relationship with the addict. They are scared that if the other person gets better their purpose of being a caretaker may be taken away from them.

There are ways to detach from a substance user and not enable them and still love them. Learning how to put your needs first and being able to detach can greatly increase ones ability to see why they were enabling. Enabling is never about helping them, it is about comforting you.

Are You A Love Addict Take A Quiz And Get Information

Perhaps after reading the above list of symptoms, you’re starting to realize that you might be addicted to love. However, you’re still not sure. It might be helpful for you to take a quiz that will give you some more insight into your behaviors in this area.

Answer the following questions honestly.

  • When you are in a relationship, are you really needy?
  • Do you fall in love very easily?
  • Do you think you fall in love very quickly?
  • Do you often fantasize when you fall in love? Even to the point of ignoring everything else in your life?
  • Do you ever lower your standards for relationships just because you’re lonely?
  • Do you smother your partner when you’re in a relationship?
  • Do you get involved with people who aren’t able to commit to you?
  • Do you begin relationships with the goal of changing the other person?
  • After you’ve bonded with someone, do you find it impossible to let them go?
  • Do you tend to ignore warning signs about people if you’re already attracted to them?
  • Do you find that the initial attraction of a person is more important to you than anything else?
  • Do you feel like your life is over after a relationship ends?
  • Do you work harder than the other person to ensure the relationship survives?
  • Are you only interested in love and relationships?
  • Do you not enjoy your own company?
  • Have you ever gotten involved with the wrong person in order to avoid being alone?
  • Does not being in a relationship make you feel inadequate?

Recommended Reading: How To Get Over Love Addiction

The Consequences Of Dating An Addict

When you date someone addicted to something, it has several negative consequences that affect various elements of the relationship. The relationship can feel extremely different depending on where they are in their addiction. When theyre sober, the relationship may feel terrific, but you may feel like youre dating an entirely different person when theyre high.

When you date an addict, there will be many ups and downs because addiction is an illness, and its unethical to criticize a person based on their disease, right? Many addicts are extremely self-centered, and you will never be their top priority if they are actively using drugs. Theyd be able to quit using if you were since theyd be afraid of losing you.

How To Let Go Of An Addict You Love: Knowing When Its Time To Let Go

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Loving an addict is one of the most difficult things that can happen to most people. Whether youre in a romantic relationship with an addict, or its your child, parent or someone else youre close to, its incredibly difficult to continue loving someone with an addiction to drugs or alcohol. While you may make your best effort to help them, at some point, you might also have to understand how to let go of an addict you love.

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Dating A Sex Addict: Can It Work

If youre dating or in a relationship with a sex addict, you likely have concerns about whether or not the relationship can work out in the long run.

Despite often having the best intentions, many sex addicts find it hard or even impossible to stay faithful to their partners.

Love addiction and affairs also go hand-in-hand because the individual may engage in frequent unhealthy passion-related behaviors. For that reason, it can be difficult to maintain a healthy relationship with someone who has a love and sex addiction without them seeking treatment.

However, its important not to jump to the conclusion that someone youre dating is or will be unfaithful to you.

Many sex addicts will find other outlets and are therefore able to stay committed to their partners without having multiple lovers. Its important to not make assumptions about your husband or partner as every situation is unique.

That doesnt mean that the relationship will be free of other problems, such as lying, neglect, or recklessly spending money to fuel the irresistible need for sex. You need to assess whether you think the relationship is worth continuing.

If you do a quick Google search for partners of sex addicts resources or dating a sex addict relationship advice, youll discover how common it is to be dating a sex addict.

Dating In Early Recovery

The first few months of recovery from addiction are some of the most difficult. Insomnia, triggers, drug cravings, and the need to deal with emotions that were previously numbed with drugs make early recovery a period of enormous adjustment.

An Interview with Tanya Desloover, MA, CADCII

Learning to feel emotions again, including positive feelings of love and intimacy, can be one of the most challenging parts of recovery, but also one of the most rewarding.

Contrary to what a lot of people think that an addicts job is the first thing to go drug use shows up first in the dysfunction of the addicts relationships. Most recovering addicts have a long history of dysfunctional and destructive relationships. Early in recovery, relationships are one of the leading causes of relapse. Although the Big Book of AA doesnt offer guidelines on dating in recovery, addiction counselors strongly advise waiting until a person has achieved one year of sobriety.

Tanya Desloover, MA, CADCII, a marriage and family therapist intern in Newport Beach, California, also recommends waiting one year.

It is commonly recommended in the recovery community to avoid romantic relationships for the first year, because most of us are just beginning to get to know ourselves and to define our values, Desloover says. We have to learn to love ourselves before we can love someone else.

Also Check: What Is The First Step In Recovery From Addiction

Loving Someone Who Is Addicted To Drugs Or Alcohol

Everyone deserves love, but loving someone who is addicted to drugs or alcohol can endanger your emotional and physical health. Loving an addicted person creates high stress, worry, uncertainty and anger as their symptoms grow and change.

If you really love that person, you must focus on helping them get professional treatment for their addiction. Addictions rarely disappear on their own, and substance abuse is often too complicated to resolve without professional help.

Along the way, be mindful that your attempts to help may only result in enabling their behaviors, which furthers their addiction. If you want to help the addicted loved one:

  • Establish firm boundaries and expectations regarding their use
  • Follow through with your repercussions and promises
  • Stay calm and patient during communication to avoid regrettable conversations
  • Refuse to make excuses or lie for them
  • Stress the importance of addiction treatment
  • Let them know that your love for them is whats driving your decision making

You do not have to sacrifice your mental well-being for someone addicted to alcohol and other drugs. At some point, you may have to end or shift the relationship to preserve your own health.

See More:Couples Therapy in Addiction Treatment

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