Be Consistent With Boundaries
Setting boundaries is hard, but then you must also continue to enforce them. Alcoholics and drug addicts test boundaries. Substance abuse wires their brains to continue alcohol or drug abuse at any cost. If youre married to an addict, consistency is key. Be clear about what you wont tolerate and the consequences of their actions. When they cross your boundaries and they likely will enforce those consequences. If you let them get away with something once it sends a message that behavior is acceptable.
Ask Us About Addiction Treatment
Addiction is a serious disease that has the potential to ruin a partnership or marriage – not to mention a life. First and foremost, you need to get your spouse into residential treatment so they can begin their path to a life free from drugs and alcohol. Contact us for more information about the process for entering detox and residential treatment.
While your partner is in treatment, you need to take care of yourself! Find a community where you can express yourself and find support. Educate yourself on addiction and mental health disorders. At Transformations Care, we not only provide treatment for your loved one we can help find Al-Anon meetings for you as well.
Dont forget to love yourself and practice self-care. That includes getting professional help. If you’re hesitant, just try a session and keep an open mind. Learning the tools you need to work through your stress and issues while your partner is in treatment can create a better life for you and your spouse.
You can always contact our caring staff, even after your partner has graduated from our treatment program, and we can answer any questions you may have. Please contact us today to learn more about what our program has to offer.
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How To Help Your Partner Struggling With Addiction
As mentioned above, you can encourage your partner and learn more about how to help them, but its important to understand that you cant make them do something that they dont want to do, including stopping drug or alcohol abuse and going to rehab. Whether theyre ready or not, however, you can take steps to encourage them and show your love and support in the following ways:
- Suggest that they talk to their doctor about their drug or alcohol use and be evaluated for a substance use disorder evaluation and offer to accompany them to the appointment.1
- Talk to them in an honest, non-confrontational way that shows concern and support.2
- Research treatment facilities online1 or call the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administrations confidential helpline at 1-800-662-HELP for free information and referrals to treatment.
- Maintain a patient and compassionate attitude and understand that it can take time for your partner to feel ready to seek help.2
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Counseling To Overcome Addiction
Regardless of the treatment setting, your husbands recovery from addiction will likely involve a combination of individual and group counseling. He may undergo specific therapy methods, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy, to help him learn effective ways of coping with stress without drug use. Depending on what types of drugs he has been using, he may also take medication to manage withdrawal and cravings. Family therapy is another component of successful addiction treatment.
In fact, a 2012 study in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy found that family counseling was more effective than individual counseling on its own for reducing drug use and promoting abstinence.6
How Substance Abuse Can Affect The Relationship
- Verbal abuse
- Financial difficulties
- Legal conflicts
When somebody is suffering from substance abuse, its almost as if that person isnt even in the drivers seat of their own life. The urges someone has to use drugs tend to interrupt every part of a persons life for those who are married, this disorder tends to take the steering wheel of their shared lives together.
Its not easy being the spouse of an addict. The psychological torment of watching someone you love so dearly be controlled by the influence of drugs hurts more than anything else. Drugs and alcohol have a way of not only impairing ones judgement, but also influencing harmful actions, both physically and psychologically. This tends to be upsetting as it only leads to even more conflict, intensifying a couples circumstances.
Due to the residual effects of substance abuse, treatment should be considered and executed in the most serious of manners. This is especially true for those who have been abused, whether it be physical or psychological. For those who are being abused as a result of addiction, it is imperative that they seek help immediately.
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Additional Support For Your Family
Children need help too. Figuring out how best to talk with your child about the addiction can be daunting, but there are a few key points to remember:
- Reinforce the idea that addiction is a disease. This means just like other diseases, with the right treatment, there are ways to effectively manage symptoms.
- Explain that while sometimes your spouse makes bad choices because of their addiction, that does not mean they are a bad person.
- Explain that addiction is not their fault. Sometimes children think their parents behavior is because of something they did or said. Make sure to explain to your kids that sometimes your spouses choices are impacted by their addiction and that has nothing to do with them.
- Keep communication open. After addressing your spouses addiction with your children, encourage them to ask questions and process their thoughts and feelings with you.
How To Recognize An Addicts Manipulation
Unfortunately, its not always easy to recognize when youre being manipulated, especially when the source of the manipulation is someone you love and care about. One reliable way to determine if youre being manipulated is to think about how you feel after interacting with the person. You can also learn to recognize some of the signs of manipulation so that you can make an effort to unroot them in your own life.3
Here are some common signs that youre being manipulated:
- The addicted person frequently exaggerates situations and uses words like always or never to describe themselves or others.
- The addicted person preys on your fears with his or her words and actions.
- The addicted person constantly reminds you of his or her importance, asserting the position of power in the relationship.
- The addicted person does not give you time to respond during discussions.
- The addicted person is only nice to you when he or she wants something in return.
- Your interaction with the addicted person often leaves you feeling used, bullied, ashamed and confused.
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Get Help For Yourself
No matter what your addicted spouse decides to do, the next step you need to take is to find a source of support and help for YOU:
- Professional therapy Seeing a psychiatrist, psychologist, or counselor will help you deal with all of the negative experiences that drug or alcoholism has exposed you to: domestic violence, trauma, depression, anxiety, PTSD, codependency, etc.
Q: What Changes Did You See In Him Once He Turned To Heroin
A: Oh, he was so much worse. He would lay around the house nodding out constantly. I cant count the times I saw him passed out on the couch with drool pouring from his mouth. He stopped eating he only left the house to go meet his drug dealers. He was literally just a shell of a man. Tom, the person Id loved for the better part of my life, was now a stranger.
For years, I covered for Tom and cleaned up his messes. I made excuses to his family, my family and all of our friends.-Janet Howe
For years, I covered for Tom and cleaned up his messes. I made excuses to his family, my family and all of our friends. I assured them he was fine and just felt a little under the weather. And while I was out there doing damage control, Tom became violent towards me. He never physically struck me he was just so verbally and emotionally abusive especially when he couldnt get any heroin and experienced withdrawals.
I tolerated this for six years six long, sad years of my life. I had convinced myself that, if I left him, I would be abandoning him. As if his choices were somehow a result of my actions. I didnt want to give up on him, you know?
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Set Boundaries With Your Loved One
Are you enabling your partner to continue with their addiction? By setting boundaries, you can make sure your home is a safe space.
Take control back of your home and help them recover too. Such boundaries can include no drink or drugs in the house, near you or near children. No lying or covering for your spouse if they get into trouble.
Things To Do When Your Spouse Is Addicted To Opioids
Opioid use is a source of pain for thousands of American families. If your spouse is struggling with opioid addiction, it can be difficult to know where to turn for help. Fortunately, inpatient rehab centers help spouses and families overcome the effects of substance use.
Opioid addiction is increasing all over the country. While some areas are affected more than others, substance use disorders occur in people from all walks of life including those who have families.
It can be overwhelming to realize that someone close to you is struggling with opioid addiction. If your spouse is currently suffering from opioid addiction, help is available. Our Massachusetts drug rehab offers a variety of services to help people move beyond their addiction.
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Additional Support For Your Spouse
While there are many universal ways to support your spouse, men and women experience drug and alcohol use and treatment differently. For example, men have higher rates of substance abuse and seek treatment more often. Women tend to face more barriers when seeking substance abuse treatment. These barriers can include lack of family support, greater stigma associated with going to treatment, and childcare responsibilities. Therefore, when discussing getting help with your wife, it may be beneficial to emphasize your support for treatment and develop a concrete plan for fulfilling family responsibilities while she focuses on her recovery.
Healthy Fats Will Help
For a faster and a better recovery, include monounsaturated fats and omega-3 fatty acids in your diet. These will purify the liver and enhance the functions of the brain. Keep in mind that saturated fats on the other hand can cause a lot of diseases including ailments of the heart, obesity and even cancer. The healthy fats repair the damaged tissues of the body, and also help in vitalizing the processes of the body. Fat-free dairy products, nuts, grains and fish are a good source of healthy fats.
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Putting Off Getting Help
After years of covering up for the alcoholic and not talking about “the problem” outside the family, it may seem daunting to reach out for help from a support group, such as Al-Anon Family Groups.
But millions have found solutions that lead to serenity inside those meetings. Going to an Al-Anon meeting is one of those things that once you do it, you say, “I should have done this years ago.”
Being The Spouse Of An Addict Is Hard Youre Not Alone
There are many different program options available to you and your partner which can do wonders for their addiction and your relationship.
As the spouse of an addict, you dont need to suffer alone. Our testimonials prove how effective treatment can be.
If youre still struggling to know how to help your spouse, get in contact to find out more.
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Ask Ammanda: My Husband Is Addicted To Drugs And Has Betrayed My Trust
Ive been with my husband for nearly sixteen years. Married for nearly ten, we have four children together. For the first thirteen years, my husband was the most wonderful husband and father you could ask for. Our relationship was solid. Then three years ago, I found out hed started using cocaine in our home once a month while the children and I were in bed. This was a complete shock to me, as my husband has always been practically teetotal. Having asked him to leave, he broke down and confessed everything: hed tried it once on a work night out and liked it, so looked forward to it as a treat once a month. He went to drug counselling, but they said his occasional use didnt constitute addiction and he claimed he could stop.
Over the next few years, my husband became addicted instead to prescription drugs given to him by the GP for backache. It was obvious he was abusing his medication and it was difficult to tell sometimes which drugs he was actually taking.
My husband has now admitted to everything but says he doesnt know why he did any of these things. He claims that he didnt find any of the women attractive and probably did it because of the hurt I caused him.
Ammanda says…
Ammanda Major is a Relationship Counsellor, Sex Therapist and Head of Clinical Practice at Relate.
If you have a relationship worry you would like some help with, email All communications will respect your anonymity.
- Talk to a trained counsellor
- Private and confidential
If Your Husband Is Addicted Get Him To Treatment
Seeking treatment is also an important part of moving forward from your husbands addiction. Substance use disorders are clinical conditions that require professional intervention. The specifics of treatment will vary based upon the severity of your husbands addiction. He may be able to complete counseling on an outpatient basis. On the other hand, if his addiction is more severe, residential or inpatient treatment may be necessary.
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Characteristics Of Substance Abuse And Dependence
Once you have educated yourself on the ins and outs of addiction , the next step is determining whether or not your husband is in need of professional addiction treatment. The DSM-V includes the following diagnostic criteria for substance abuse and dependence if your husband is exhibiting some of the following, there is a good chance that professional intervention has become necessary.
These are several indications that your husband has been struggling with a diagnosable substance abuse disorder, as outlined by the DSM-V. However, there are several other behavioral symptoms to keep an eye out for.
How Northpoint Washington Can Help You
First, its important to remember your addicted spouse isnt who they used to be. Addiction is one of those conditions that dramatically changes a persons character because their focus is now only on fulfilling their physical and mental need for their substance of choice. Secondly, its vital that you remember you are not alone professional help and guidance is simply a phone call away.
Northpoint Washington is recognized as one of the best and highly rated addiction rehab centers in the Seattle area, and the state of Washington. We offer a completely individualized addiction recovery plan that is catered to your specific addiction, background, and mental health needs. Located in Edmonds, Washington, only 17 miles away from Seattle, our specialists are available right now to assist you simply call 832-2796.
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Effects Of Substance Abuse On A Marriage
Addiction can take a serious toll on personal relationships and particularly on marriages. One of the biggest problems caused by substance abuse is a financial strain. Addiction can be very costly and have a negative impact on family finances.
Substance abuse can lead to arguments and fights, which could in turn lead to more substance abuse. There are a number of things that could be argued about when you are married to an addict. Arguments can occur about their drug or alcohol use, staying out late, or neglecting home responsibilities.
If you have been unaware or lied to about your spouses use of drugs and alcohol, your trust for them could be negatively affected.
Trust is the most important part of a marriage and substance abuse could erode the trust that forms the foundation of your relationship. Lies about where the addicted spouse is or what theyre doing could continue throughout early recovery. Trust issues may persist throughout this time and both parties will need to work on this area.
We have covered many issues that can arise in marriages with an addict. Neglecting to communicate with one another could lead to these and many more issues. Although issues will seem to be overwhelming, remember that you and your spouse are partners and try to use these struggles to bring you closer.
Harmony Ridge Can Help Those Married To A Drug Addict
Harmony Ridge Recovery Center is an award-winning addiction treatment center in West Virginia. Weve won awards because we understand that every patient here has a different story.
A key portion of an addicts story is how they want to get better to be the spouse they once were. Marriage can be tough on its own. Adding addiction to the mix makes divorce seem inevitable.
Were here to tell you that addiction recovery can save a marriage. More than that, we offer personalized plans to ensure forever sobriety. Contact us now if you or a loved one needs help with addiction recovery.
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